Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up.
Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
I can't put it down.
Man goes to the doctors and sayes "Doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !"
Doctor replies "Do you drink much ?"
Man says "no, I spill most of it !"
New York was having a problem with too many pigeons in the city.
The mayor of New York placed an ad asking for help to get rid of the pigeons in the city.
A man responded to the ad.
The man said that he would get rid of all of the pigeons in New York for $1million.
He stated that he would stand behind his work and that he had very good credentials.
There was only one stipulation, any questions that were asked would cost the city an additional $1million if answered.
The mayor agreed to the terms.
The man went to his car and brought back a small box.
He opened the box and pulled out a pink pigeon.
He released the pigeon into the air.
Soon all of the pigeons in the city were following this pigeon.
The pink pigeon lead all of the city's pigeons over the ocean and one by one the pigeons began to tire and fell into the ocean and died. The pink pigeon returned to it's owner and was given a soft pat on the back and put back into the box.
The mayor was totally amazed by this.
The mayor complimented the man on his magnificent work.
The mayor told the man that he had a question for him.
The man reminded the mayor that any questions to be answered would cost an additional $1million.
The mayor said that his question was worth the cost.
The mayor asked the man if he happened to have any pink niggers.
When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
Vote:
Once you go asian you never miss an equation.
Yo' Mama is so fat, she puts in tampons with a bazooka.
Yo' Mama is so old, she went to an antique shop, and they kept her.
You mama is so fat, when she lies on the beach Greenpeace try to push her back in the water.
I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits.
The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.