When Chuck Norris was born, he cut his own umbilical cord.
He then used it to strangle the doctor who slapped him on the but.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, she puts in tampons with a bazooka.
Yo' Mama is so old, she went to an antique shop, and they kept her.
I'm so hipster, even I've never heard of my favorite band.
I don't understand why people pay shrinks when I'll tell them what's wrong with themselves for free.
Q: Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
A: Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
You mama is so fat, when she lies on the beach Greenpeace try to push her back in the water.
I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits.
The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.
I don't like the term "anal bleaching".
I prefer "changing your ringtone."
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Q: What has a key but no lock and has space but no room?
A: A computer?
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