Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.
Chuck Norris has a black belt in every language.
Chuck Norris doesn't Tivo television programs. They come on when HE wants them to.
Chuck Norris can smoke underwater.
Chuck norris can fix a plumbers crack.
Chuck Norris won one million dollars gambling playing Solitaire.
Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
The reason everything is better in Texas is because Chuck Norris said so.
Chuck Norris is the only person who could truly judge a book by its' cover.
Chuck Norris has only one friend on Facebook: Pain.