Best jokes ever

My dotor told me: "I've tow news for U; one good and the other one bad, which one do U prefer to hear first?" I replied I prefer the good one. Doctor: "U will die after next 24 hours!" I told: "Then what is the bad newsrnDoctor: "I forgot to tell U yesterday!"
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has 69.22 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: communication, death, doctor, life, time
So a little kid and a child molester start walking into a forest. They keep walking for what seems like hours, and it gets darker and darker and darker, and the forest gets deeper and deeper and deeper. The kid turns to the child molester and he says "Gee mister, it sure is scary out here!" The child molester says "How do you think I feel, kid? I'm gonna have to walk out of this forest by myself!"
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has 69.22 % from 73 votes. More jokes about: black humor
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagle's butt and asks, "How high up are we?" "About 2,000 feet," the eagle replies. The mouse replies, "You ain't sh*ttin' me, are you?"
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has 69.20 % from 88 votes. More jokes about: animal, disgusting
Julia began her job in a secondary school as a counselor and she was keen to help the pupils. One day during break-time she noticed a girl standing all by herself on one side of the playing field while the rest of the children were enjoying a game of soccer at the other end of the field. Julia approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said that she was. Some time later, however, Julia noticed that the girl was in exactly the same spot, still by herself. Going up to her again, she enquired, 'Would you like me to be your friend?' The girl hesitated, then said, 'Alright,' while looking at Julia with some suspicion. Feeling she was making progress, Julia then asked, 'Why are you standing here all alone?' 'Because,' the girl said with a large sigh, 'I'm the goalie!'
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has 69.20 % from 211 votes. More jokes about: school, sport, work
What do you call a nigger with no arms, and no legs? Trustworthy.
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has 69.19 % from 143 votes. More jokes about: black people, racist
Chuck Noris can make grapes from wine.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, wine
Chuck Norris puts phone companies on hold.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, phone
I was looking at the pies offered by a nearby café. They had cherry, apple, berry, peach, and Herman's. "What type of pie is Herman's?" I asked the waiter. "Apple," he said. "Then why is it called Herman's pie?" "Because Herman called in to reserve it."
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, food
Chuck Norris tried juggling once... and now we have our solar system.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
If you click on start, run, then type in Chuck Norris you will get a permanent blue screen of death.
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has 69.19 % from 21 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, computer
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