Best jokes ever

Q: What did the valentines day card say to the stamp? A: Stick with me and you'll go places.
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has 67.34 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, travel, Valentines day
Little boy says to his father: "Daddy, I heard on the news that cigarettes have become much more expensive. Does it mean that you're going to smoke less from now on?" And father replies: "No, son. I will smoke as much as a have. But, you'll be eating less!"
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has 67.34 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, kids, mean, money
A girlfriend said to me during sex that I should be a little more graceful, so I went to ballet classes!
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has 67.34 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: communication, relationship, sex
Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration the manager hired her. After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo. The manager said, "I said to give each Elmo two test tickles; not two testicles!"
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has 67.34 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Three guys are at a restaurant, all with their girlfriends. The first guy, thinking he is all suave, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the honey?...Honey." Now, the second guy, copying the first, says to his girlfriend, "Could you pass me the sugar?...Sugar." So now, the third guy is under pressure. He has to come up with something good. After, a minute of thinking he says to his girlfriend, "Pass me the pork...pig."
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has 67.34 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: men
There was a horny young lady named Lil, Who fucked dynamite sticks for a thrill. They found her vagina In North Carolina And bits of her tits in Brazil!
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has 67.34 % from 43 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
I think my sons gay...I took off the seat of his bike, and he didn't notice.
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has 67.33 % from 278 votes. More jokes about: gay, kids
Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather. A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken...
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has 67.32 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, disgusting
Drinking all day at a bar a man stumbles to the restroom to throw up. He doesn't make it in time and pukes all over the front of his shirt. As the drunk returned to the bar the bartender asks: "what the hell happened?" The drunk is very upset explaining to the bartender: "my wife gonna be pissed off! She just got me this shirt as an anniversary gift. Soon as she sees puke all over it, she will be shitty!" The bartender, being helpful says: "I got an idea. Why don't you put a $10 bill in the front shirt pocket and when she notices the puke you can say you drove a drunk fella home from the bar and during the drive, he got sick and puked all over the front of your new shirt?" Naturally, the guy felt bad so he gave you the $10 so you could have it cleaned. The drunk looked at the bartender a moment, thinking it over. "That's a great idea, the drunk slurs. Thank you." And the drunk left. When the drunk walked in the front door of his home there stood his wife to greet him. She hugged him and said: "oh my lord Frank, what happened to your new shirt?" He explained: "I drove a drunk fella home from the bar and he puked all over the front of my shirt, patting the pocket, and gave me $10 to get it cleaned." The wife reaches in and pulls the cash from the pocket. "But Frank," the wife says, "there is $20 here." Frank replies, "oh, I forgot to mention, he shit in my pants too."
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has 67.31 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, disgusting, drunk, money
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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has 67.31 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: black humor
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