Best jokes ever

The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?" Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!" The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence? Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue." "That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white." Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too." Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?" The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?" Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."
Vote: has 68.97 % from 91 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: fart, little Johnny, teacher
A chemist, a physicist, and a mathematician are stranded on an island when a can of food rolls ashore. The chemist and the physicist comes up with many ingenious ways to open the can. Then suddenly the mathematician gets a bright idea: "Assume we have a can opener..."
Vote: has 68.97 % from 113 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: math
What's a mexicans' favorite sport? Cross country.
Vote: has 68.91 % from 237 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: racist, sport
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
Vote: has 68.87 % from 109 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: medical, men, money, sex, women
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. “Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer; she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, he’s a doctor.’” A small voice from the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher; she’s still old, nasty, and wrinkled”
Vote: has 68.87 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: doctor, kids, school, teacher
How many white cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs? None. He fell.
Vote: has 68.87 % from 87 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: cop, racist
A man and a woman meet in an elevator. "Where are you heading today?" the man asks. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "About $20." "Wow," says the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman angrily gets off the elevator. The next day, the man and woman meet in the elevator again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she says with her mouth full.
Vote: has 68.86 % from 261 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: money
A new study found that more than 11 million people have quit Facebook in the last three years. And unfortunately, none of them were your parents.
Vote: has 68.83 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: Facebook
Guy having sex says "damn bitch, there should be a law against sex this good." To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy..."
Vote: has 68.83 % from 72 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: black humor
Yo momma's like a "Happy Meal" small, cheap and greasy.
Vote: has 68.81 % from 53 votes. Send joke:

More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama