One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, so he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today honey," he said to her. "Yes. And my idiot husband went fishing!" she replied.
When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.
As a child, I was afreid of ghosts. As I grew up, I realised people are more scary.
Chuck Norris won the Tour De France on a stationary bike.
Chuck Norris to Major Tom - Stay there.
Batman is to Robin as Chuck Norris is to Death.
Your momma so ugly her face is used as an x ray in mortal kombat X.
What did the egg say to the boiling water? "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."
Chuck Norris once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by yelling at it in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich.
Hide an alarm clock in someone's bedroom and set it for 3:00 a.m.