The one thing I've learned from the World Cup is that Europe still hasn't mastered the haircut.
What did Mariah Carey really wanted to sing: "All I want for Christmas is you... to get hit by a reindeer."
Chuck Norris can sink a hole in none!
Two girl sprinters are training for the 100 metres race. One says to the other: "You won't believe this, but I've just run 100 metres in 10 seconds." The other says: "But that's impossible, that's the world record." So the other says: "Ah hah, but I took a short cut."
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
A young fellow went to a Jewish Doctor and told the doctor he was worried because he could not get an erection. Whereupon the doctor told him to eat Jewish Rye Bread. So on his way home, the young man stopped a Jewish Bakery and asked for 25 Loaves of Rye Bread. The Baker said "25 Loaves? It will get hard before you get rid of it." Whereupon the patient in excitement said "Give me 50 loaves."
A man goes to the circus. After the show he speaks to the manager and asks for a job. "Alright, what can you do?", the manager asks. "I can do great bird impressions", the man replies. "Pssh, a lot of people can do that". "Oh well", the man says and flies away.
Chuck Norris can get up to level 40 in Fallout 3.
Dear haters, I can't help but notice that awesome ends in ME and ugly starts with U.
Q: Why was the condom flying through the air? A: It got pissed off.