Best jokes ever

A woman gave her two sons to different families for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and called Amal. The second child goes to Spain and is called Juan. Many years later, Juan sends his mother a photo of himself. She turns to her sister saying that she wished that she had a photo of her other son. The sister responded "Hey, they are identical twins. If you have seen Juan, you have seen Amal."

An American was hopelessly lost in the Highlands and wandered about for nearly a week. Finally, on the seventh day he met a kilted inhabitant. "Thank heaven I’ve met someone," he cried. "I’ve been lost for the last week." "Is there a reward out for you?" asked the Scotsman. "No," said the American. "Then I’m afraid you’re still lost," was the reply.

Chuck Norris once won a Scrabble tournament despite getting only Z's and Q's in his rack.

Who said Windows 98 is a virus was wrong. Why? Because a virus does something.

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers". She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?" To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."

Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary? A: Because the river was too mainstream.

Every night I play a game called "Should I pee or can I hold it till morning".

"Knock Knock?" "Who's there?" "Europe." "Europe who?" "No you're a poo."

"Doctor I feel like biscuits!" "What, you mean those square ones?" "Yes!" "The ones you put butter on?" "Yes!" "Well, that means you’re crackers!"

Two deer hunters met in the woods. The first one said to the other, "Boy am I glad to see you, I've been lost for hours." The second deer hunter said, "That's nothing, I've been lost for a week."