Best jokes ever

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween? A: On blood vessels.
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has 66.88 % from 46 votes. More jokes about: death, Halloween, travel
What two things in the air can make a woman pregnant? Her feet.
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has 66.87 % from 212 votes. More jokes about: sex
How do you know when you honeymoon is over? When he no longer smiles as he scrapes the burnt toast.
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has 66.82 % from 192 votes. More jokes about: holiday, marriage
Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!
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has 66.81 % from 95 votes. More jokes about: beauty, flirt, food, love
A blonde desserts her home town out of shame, and colors her hair brown. She drives past a farm and sees all the sheep. She goes up to the farmer and ask, "If I guess how many sheep you have can I have one?" The farmer nodded. She continued. "159" The farmer is surprised. "How did you know?" "Lucky guess" She grabs one and gets in her car. The farmer comes up and says, "If I can guess your real hair color can I get my dog back?"
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has 66.81 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, dog, math, money
Son: I can't go to school today. Father: Why not? Son: I don't feel so well. Father: Where does it hurt? Son: In school.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: school
Your mama so ugly when god was making light he told her to step out the way.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: ugly, Yo mama
Little lad is sitting between his Mum and Dad on the sofa and they are playing a game about what sounds animals say. His Mum says "What does a duck say Tommy?" He says"Quack quack Mummy." His Mum says "Very good Tommy,that's right." She says "What does a dog say?" He says "Woof woof Mummy." She says "Very good." She says "What does a cat say?" He says "Meow meow Mummy." She says "Yes that's right." Tommy says "Let Daddy have a go." His dad says "Ok Tommy,what does a cow say?" The little lad looks confused and his Dad says "Come on Tommy you know what a cow says." Tommy says "Yes I do but do you mean a cow that eats grass and gives us our milk, or the one you where talking to Uncle John about, that said you could'nt go to the Stag show with him?"
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: animal, family, game, insulting
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But In the end, it doesn't even matter.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: life, music
Even though telemarketers are slightly less beloved than dentists and tax auditors, that's the job my friend took during his summer vacation. Halfway through one of his sales pitches, he heard a clicking at the other end of the line. Thinking the man may have hung up, he asked, "Are you still there?" "Yeah, still here," said the man. "Sorry, I heard a click and I thought you'd been disconnected." "No," the man said, "that would sound more like this." He then proceeded to show me what it would sound like by slamming down the phone.
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has 66.77 % from 31 votes. More jokes about: business, customer service, dentist, tax
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