A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers".
She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"
To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."
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Q: Why did the hipster float down the tributary?
A: Because the river was too mainstream.
Every night I play a game called "Should I pee or can I hold it till morning".
How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
What do you call an operation on a rabbit?
A hare-cut.
"Doctor I feel like biscuits!"
"What, you mean those square ones?"
"Yes!"
"The ones you put butter on?"
"Yes!"
"Well, that means you’re crackers!"
Chuck Norris once gave blood, it was put in cans and labelled 'Red Bull'.
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Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes?
The police thought it was a cereal killer.
Two deer hunters met in the woods. The first one said to the other, "Boy am I glad to see you, I've been lost for hours." The second deer hunter said, "That's nothing, I've been lost for a week."
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"Knock Knock?"
"Who's there?"
"Europe."
"Europe who?"
"No you're a poo."