A statistician's wife had twins. He was delighted. He rang the minister who was also delighted. "Bring them to church on Sunday and we'll baptize them," said the minister. "No," replied the statistician. "Baptize one. We'll keep the other as a control."
An elderly man and woman meet in a bar and get to talking. They are enjoying their conversation so much that, when the bar closes, they decide to continue at the woman's apartment. After a time, things start getting pretty romantic and they wind up in bed. Afterward, they're both laying there, staring at the ceiling. The old man is thinking, “Gosh, if I had known she was a virgin, I would have been more careful with her.” The old lady is thinking, “Geez, if I had known he could get it up, I would have taken off my panties.”
I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't cure it but it keeps the bed sheets off my legs at night.
Yo mama's so fat, they used her for a trampoline at the Olympics.
Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world.
What did the elephant say to the nude man? ‘It’s cute, but can it pick up peanuts?’
Chuck Norris went an hour without killing... just to kill some time.
Yo mama so poor, when she found a penny she thought she had hit the lottery.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin... that he built with his bare hands.
Yo mama is so stupid that when she got on a motorcycle she didn't know how to open the window.