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Chuck Norris is the only person able beat a fish at holding his breath under water.
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Once Chuck Norris met a man on a horse that he did'nt like, now we know him as the headless horseman.
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Two guys are walking down a road when they come across a deep hole beside it. Being curious, they go over and check it out. When they look down, they are surprised to find they can’t see the bottom. So they drop a couple of rocks down the hole and listen… Nothing. One of them says, "Man, that’s a deep hole!" Thinking they might hear something larger hit the bottom, they find a big, old cinder block and pitch it over the side. The pause and listen intently… They hear a sound, but it is coming from behind them! They quickly turn around to see a goat bearing down on them with it head lowered, flying along, its feet barely touching the ground, its moving so fast! The two men dive out of its way just in time and the goat plunges past them, into the seemingly bottomless hole, to its doom. The two look at each other and say, "Boy that was close! We’d better get away from this thing before we end up with the goat!" So they continue on their way down the road until they happen across this farmer working near it. The men again put their heads together and figure that the goat belongs to the farmer and the decide to tell him what happened. "Hey Mr. Farmer. Do you happen to own a goat?" one of the men asked. The farmer replies, "Yeah, why do you ask?" The men then tell what happened at the hole and how they narrowly avoided death in the hole from the speeding goat. The farmer said, "Well boys, I don’t think that was my goat. You see, my goat was really old and crippled up with arthritis. There is no way he could have been moving that fast. Besides, I had him tied to this big, old cinder block."
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Yo Mama is so black, when she leans up against a white wall she looks like an alley.
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If Chuck Norris were to ever bungee jump, the earth would flinch.
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Yo' Mama so ugly, when she wore cheese panties, even the rats wouldn't eat her.
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Q: In what way are Democrats more generous than Republicans? A: Unlike Republicans, Democrats are not only generous with their own money, but also with other people's money.
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Q: What's the difference between Yo' Mama and a dartboard? A: Yo' Mama's had more pricks.
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Yo Momma is so poor when her friend came over to use the bathroom she said ok, choose a corner.
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My grandfather once told me "your generation is too reliant on technology." So I replied "no, your generation is too reliant on technology!" Then I disconnected his life support.
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More jokes about: life, old people, technology