"I just had sexed in school today, dad! You lied to me! You told me if I have sex before my 16th biurthday, my boyfriend will die." "Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will."
A man and his wife go to the doctor to see how they could improve their sex life. The doctor recommends Viagra. They come back and see him in a couple of weeks. The doctor says "how was the Viagra?" The wife says "great I love it." Husband says "I like it but it has some side effects, we're bared from McDonald's for life."
Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer? A: Show us your calves!
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
Q: What did the farmer say when he is driving down the road on a steep hill and his right front wheel falls off? A: "You picked a poor time to leave me loose wheel."
Our staff has completed the 3 years of work on time and under budget. We have gone through every line of code in every program in every system. We have analyzed all databases, all data files, including backups and historic archives, and modified all data to reflect the change. We are proud to report that we have completed the "Y-to-K" date change mission, and have now implemented all changes to all programs and all data to reflect the following new standards: Januark, Februark, March, April, Mak, June, Julk, August, September, October, November, December and... Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak, Thursdak, Fridak, Saturdak I trust that this is satisfactory, because to be honest, none of this Y-to-K problem has made any sense to me. But I understand it is a global problem, and our team is glad to help in any way possible.And what does the year 2000 have to do with it? Speaking of which, what do you think we ought to do next year when the two digit year rolls over from 99 to 00? We await your direction.
A 21-year-old is hired by a hardware store. He shows up for his first day of work at 8 AM sharp. The boss welcomes him, then hands him a broom. "First, sweep out the store. Then I'll show you where the window cleaning equipment is." "Sir," the young man protests. "You can't be serious. I'm a college graduate." "Oh, sorry," says the manager, pointing to the broom. "No problem. I can show you how that thing works."
Q:Why do dogs stick their noses in women's crotches? A:Because they can.
The difference between the short and long income tax forms is simple. If you use the short form, the government gets your money. If you use the long form, the tax advisor gets your money.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.