Chuck Norris couldn't act in Titanic because he would have saved everyone.
"Your Honor, it was an accident! I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow!" "Was it a Jersey cow?" "I don't know, I didn't see her license plate!"
Chuck Norris gets a the highest score possible on Wii Fit by sitting down.
Chuck Norris can open PDF files with Microsoft Excel.
I was married to a Gemini she caught me cheating on her with herself.
A blonde walks into a gas station and says to the manager, "I locked my keys in my car. Do you have a coat hanger or something I can stick through the window to unlock the door?" The manager gives the blonde a bent coat hanger. A few minutes later, he goes out to check on her. As her approaches the blonde working the hanger in window, he notices another blonde inside the car, coaching "No, no! A little to the left."
A man comes home alone from work. Suddenly he hears this voice saying: "Now its time to quit your job, sell your house, take your money and go to Las Vegas." He doesn't pay much attention to it but after a week hearing the same voice, he thinks ok! He quits his job, sells his house, withdraws all his money and goes to Vegas. The moment he steps out of the plane the voice tells him "Find the nearest casino!" He enters a casino and the voice says: " Go to the roulette-table and put all your money on 17 black! He complies and the croupier spins the wheel and says "Rien ne va plus" 21 RED! And then the voice goes "Damn!"
Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: She's trying to hold on to a thought.
Kim and Kanye naming their baby North West is just like Brad Pitt naming his kid Arm.
Chuck Norris can tie your hands behind your back with both hands tied behind his back.