What does a Rubik's cube and a pen*s have in common? They both get harder the longer you play with them.
A blonde is standing in front of a soda machine outside a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button. Suddenly, a coke comes out the machine! She continues to do this until a man waiting to use the machine becomes impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever you are doing?" The blonde turns around and says, "No chance! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm winning!"
Kid to her mother: "If you hurt me I'll make you pregnant by a needle." Mother: "How? My sweet it isn't possible." Kid: "I'll insert the needle to daddy's condom!"
Q: What do New Year's Parades have in common with Santa Claus? A: No one is awake to see either of them.
Q: Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court? A: For kitty littering.
Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin... that he built with his bare hands.
Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common? A. They both live off dead Beatles.
One day the teacher was asking the class about there weekends. She asked sue, "how was your weekend?" "Good." Then little Johnny waved his hand "me, me, me." Finally giving in said, "what did you do this weekend?" "I rode in my wagon pulled by my dog and hit a steep hill. The wagon started going faster than the dog and the handle went up his ass." "Rectum is the word you're looking for," she says. "Rectum," said Johnny, "da man near killed him."
Girl: “Mommy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn’t do.” Mother: “But that’s terrible! I’m going to have a talk with your teacher about this … by the way, what was it that you didn’t do?” Girl: “My homework.”