What did God say when he made the first black man?
"Damn, I burnt one."
Q: How do you find how many fat people are in America?
A: Throw a cookie into the street.
Three drifters are roaming the countryside for some time.
They come upon a small farmhouse with crops planted around it.
They are very hungry, thirsty, and tired so the first guy suggests they steal some food.
The second says they should ask for food, so he then goes up and knocks on the door and an old, ugly lady answers.
He asks for food and she agrees - but only under one condition.
They must have sex with her.
The first drifter says no, the lady is too ugly, and goes back into the woods.
The third guy is very hungry and agrees.
He enters the cottage and goes into a corner near a pile of corn to transact his business with the old lady.
The old lady is ready, but the guy says he'll only do it if she's blindfolded.
So she puts on a blindfold and bends over.
Quickly the guy grabs an ear of corn and sticks it inside the old lady, then throws it out the window.
The woman says, "Again," and the man does the same thing.
Satisfied, she gives the man some food and he leaves.
As he is walking out of the farmhouse, he comes upon the other two guys.
"Guess what?" the first guy says, "while you screwed that old hag we found two ears of cream corn!"
Vote:
Your families are extremely proud of you.
You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing.
This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
One of the two adult female friends got married and went on honeymoon to Hawaii.
On return curious other girl asked her friend, “What sightseeing places did you go in Hawaii and what did you see?”
The honeymoon girl explained, “For seven days, I saw only the fan on the ceiling of the room and occasionally when turned around, I saw the bed sheet too.”
A conversation among my Children's Church a while back.
A little girl announced proudly to our class one day, "My mommy has a baby in her belly!"
The little boy next to her was mortified! "Why did your mommy eat a baby!"
Q: How are women and a hurricane alike?
A: When they arrive they're both wet and wild, when they leave, they take your house and your car.
Lady goes to doctor with a bee up her fanny.
Doc says, "Im gonna rub honey on my d*ck and insert it, when the bee smells it, I'll pull out and he'll follow."
Doctor starts and woman begins to moan.
Doctor gets faster and harder.
Woman yells, "What the f*ck you doing?"
Doc says, "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard."
Facebook: "My kids are perfect."
Instagram: "My kids are beautiful."
Twitter: "My kids are why I drink."
Q: What's a terrorist's favorite day in November?
A: Bomb fire night.