Best jokes ever

*Girl is crying* Dad: Why you crying? Girl: My boyfriend dumped me! Dad: (Grabs shot gun) I'll be back.. A while later dad comes back Girl: What the hell! why did you go kill him! Dad: I didn't Girl: Where did you go? Dad: To get you icecream :D Girl: Why the hell did you bring the shot gun?! Dad: So I could get it for free!
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has 65.93 % from 99 votes. More jokes about: dad, food, women
Q: How do you know when a machanic has had sex? A: Two of his fingers are clean.
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has 65.92 % from 307 votes. More jokes about: dirty, mechanic, sex
Three drifters are roaming the countryside for some time. They come upon a small farmhouse with crops planted around it. They are very hungry, thirsty, and tired so the first guy suggests they steal some food. The second says they should ask for food, so he then goes up and knocks on the door and an old, ugly lady answers. He asks for food and she agrees - but only under one condition. They must have sex with her. The first drifter says no, the lady is too ugly, and goes back into the woods. The third guy is very hungry and agrees. He enters the cottage and goes into a corner near a pile of corn to transact his business with the old lady. The old lady is ready, but the guy says he'll only do it if she's blindfolded. So she puts on a blindfold and bends over. Quickly the guy grabs an ear of corn and sticks it inside the old lady, then throws it out the window. The woman says, "Again," and the man does the same thing. Satisfied, she gives the man some food and he leaves. As he is walking out of the farmhouse, he comes upon the other two guys. "Guess what?" the first guy says, "while you screwed that old hag we found two ears of cream corn!"
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Lady goes to doctor with a bee up her fanny. Doc says, "Im gonna rub honey on my d*ck and insert it, when the bee smells it, I'll pull out and he'll follow." Doctor starts and woman begins to moan. Doctor gets faster and harder. Woman yells, "What the f*ck you doing?" Doc says, "Change of plan, I'm gonna drown the bastard."
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol. “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said. The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?” “He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled. The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?” The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?” The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!” The woman then gave the officer her license. “I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.” The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?” The old man replied, “He said he knows you!
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: cop, dating, husband, old people, ugly
Your momma so ugly her face is used as an x ray in mortal kombat X.
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: insulting, technology, ugly, Yo mama
Q: How do you find how many fat people are in America? A: Throw a cookie into the street.
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: fat, food, geography
You so ugly, when Yo Momma drops you off at school, she gets a ticket for littering.
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
At the gym: Me: "What does this machine do?" "Sir, that's a bench." Me: "Perfect."
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: fitness, gym, stupid
Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license?  "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"
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has 65.91 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: bar, blonde, disgusting, lawyer
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