Best jokes ever

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: school
Martin ended a letter to his dad with this question, 'Is Washington's picture still on the dollar bill?' His Father wrote back, 'Of course it is. Why do you ask?' Martin answered, 'Because it's been so long since I've seen one!'
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has 65.48 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: dad, money
Q: How many dead babies does it take to shingle a roof? A: Depends on how thin you slice them.
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has 65.47 % from 343 votes. More jokes about: black humor, dead baby, morbid
Q: What did Hitler get his granddaughter for her 5th birthday? A: An easy bake oven.
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has 65.47 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: birthday, black humor, Hitler, morbid
Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat’s milk. The older of the mothers pulls a bag out of her purse and starts flipping through photos. And they start reminiscing. "This is my oldest son Mohammed. He would be 24 years old now." "Yes, I remember him as a baby" says the other mother cheerfully. "He’s a martyr now though" mum confides. "Oh, so sad, dear" says the other. "And this is my second son Kalid. He would be 21." "Oh, I remember him," says the other happily, "he had such curly hair when he was born." "He’s a martyr too" says mum quietly. "Oh, gracious me…" says the other. "And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would be 18," she whispers. "Yes" says the friend enthusiastically, "I remember when he first started school." "He’s a martyr also," says mum, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, "They blow up so fast, don’t they?"
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has 65.47 % from 130 votes. More jokes about: age, animal, black humor, food
Q: How do you make your wife scream while having sex? A: Call her and tell her.
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has 65.45 % from 563 votes. More jokes about: phone, sex, wife
Why do people say 'Grow some balls?' Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.
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has 65.44 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Your momma is just like a shotgun, give her a cock and she blows.
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has 65.42 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: insulting, Yo mama
Teacher: If I lay one egg here and another there, how many eggs will there be? Fred: None! Fred (surprised): Why not? Fred: Because you can't lay eggs!
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has 65.42 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: school
Hi, I see that you're new to this gym, and I wanna be the first male to bother you.
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has 65.42 % from 61 votes. More jokes about: flirt, gym, men
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