Best jokes ever

Yo' Mama is so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.

Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven. There is a brouhaha. Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem. Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls. It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly. The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him. "Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."

The most effective way to remember to buy something to your wife for St. Valentine's Day is... to forget it once!

After giving birth, I quit my job. The exit questionnaire asked, "What steps would have prevented you from leaving?" My answer: "Birth control."

Yo mama's so poor, I was driving with her and she parked next to a garbage can. I asked, "What're you doing?" She said: "I'm booking us a hotel!"

Q: Did you hear her eyes were blue? A: Yeah, one blew this way, one blew that way...

Chuck Norris cannot only accelerate beyond the speed of light. He can also accelerate beyond the speed of dark.

A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "All right. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

Three little old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a flasher came by in only an overcoat and opened it as wide as it could go. The first little old lady had a stroke, the second little old lady also had a stroke, but the third little old lady couldn't reach.

"Open wider." requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient. "Dear God!" he said startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen - the biggest cavity I've ever seen." "OK Doc!" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice." "I didn't!" said the dentist. "That was the echo."