Yo' Mama is so poor, she eats cereal with a fork to save milk.
A blind man with a guide dog comes to a town square, takes the dog by the tail and starts whirling him around.
„What on earth are you doing?!" asks a passer-by.
The blind man replies, „Nothing, just looking around a bit."
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As a child, I was afreid of ghosts.
As I grew up, I realised people are more scary.
Chuck Norris cannot only accelerate beyond the speed of light.
He can also accelerate beyond the speed of dark.
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Guy having sex says "damn bitch, there should be a law against sex this good."
To which the girl replies "I think there is daddy..."
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There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women.
Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.
Steve Martin
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How can you know a lawyer is lying?
When he moves his lips.
Q: What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?
A: The taste
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What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
A blonde made several attempts to sell her old car.
She was having a lot of problems finding a buyer because the car had 340,000 miles on it.
She discussed her problem with a brunette that she worked with at a bar.
The brunette suggested, "There may be a chance to sell that car easier, but it's not going to be legal."
"That doesn't matter at all," replied the blonde.
"All that matters it that I am able to sell this car."
"Alright," replied the brunette.
In a quiet voice, she told the blonde:
"Here is the address of a friend of mine.
He owns a car repair shop around here.
Tell him I sent you, and he will turn the counter back on your car to 40,000 miles.
Then it shouldn't be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde took a trip to the mechanic on the brunette's advice.
About one month after that, the brunette saw the blonde and asked, "Did you sell your car?"
"No!" replied the blonde.
"Why should I?
It only has 40,000 miles on it."