Best jokes ever

Son: I can't go to school today. Father: Why not? Son: I don't feel so well. Father: Where does it hurt? Son: In school.

Did you hear about the cannibal Tax Accountant? She charges an arm and a leg.

I took a day off from work to play golf. I was on the fourth hole, when I discovered a small frog sitting on the green. I paid it no attention until I heard, "Ribbit. 9-iron." That's curious, I thought, but decided to trust the frog. I pulled out a 9-iron and sunk a hole-in-one. Amazed, I picked up the frog and asked where we should go next. "Ribbit. Vegas." We went to Vegas, and I asked the frog what we should do first. "Ribbit. Roulette." We went up to the roulette table, and I won big. I took my earnings and got the best room in the hotel. I asked the frog if there was anything I could do to repay it. "Ribbit. Kiss me." I figured, what the hell, and I kissed the frog. It turned into a 15-year-old girl. That's how she ended up in my room, your Honor, and if I'm lying, my name's not R. Kelly. Tweet Share

Yo Momma is so hairy, that Bigfoot tried to take her picture!

Yo' Mama is so fat, yo' daddy is still climbing back off.

There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.

One day little Johnny was walking up a hill pulling his red wagon behind him saying, "F**k this," "F**k that." The town priest hears this and walks up to Johnny and says,"You shouldn't swear like that, Johnny. God is all around us." "Is he in the sky?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Is he in that bush over there?" asks Johnny. "Yes," says the priest." Is he in my wagon?" asked Johnny. "Yes," says the priest. "Well tell him to get the f**k out and push!"

Q: What's faster than the speed of light? A: A jew passing Germany.

How many white cops does it take to push a black man down a flight of stairs? None. He fell.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.