Best jokes ever

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?"
Vote: has 68.56 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: blonde
This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.
Vote: has 68.56 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: disgusting
Q: What's object-oriented way to become wealthy? A: Inheritance.
Vote: has 68.56 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: coding, IT, nerd
A nigger and a spic fall from a tree, who hits the ground first? The spic, the nigger never makes it because he's stopped by the rope.
Vote: has 68.56 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: racist
Yo mama's so fat that when she jumped into the ocean a hurricane began.
Vote: has 68.56 % from 37 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: fat, weather, Yo mama
An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist. They were amicably chatting the whole trip. Every now and then, the rabbi's grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable. After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, "I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What's your secret?" The rabbi replied: "Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?"
Vote: has 68.54 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: airplane, god, jewish, religious, travel
Why are black people so tall? Because their knee-grows.
Vote: has 68.54 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: racist
Robert came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just where the heck do you think you're going!', Asked Robert. 'I'm going to Nairobi', said the wife, 'I just found out I can get 4000 a night for what I give you for free! 'Robert said, 'Wait a minute!', and then ran inside the house only to come back a few minutes later with his suitcases in hand. 'Where the heck are you going?', said the wife. Robert said, 'I want to see how you're gonna live on 8000 a year!'
Vote: has 68.54 % from 75 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: money, sex, travel, wife, work
Q: Why Do Blacks Hate Country? A: Every time they here Ho-Down They think someone shot their sister
Vote: has 68.54 % from 613 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: black people
A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued." The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you." He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?" The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"
Vote: has 68.54 % from 154 votes. Send joke:
More jokes about: animal, bar, dirty, gay


<<<469470471472
More jokes →
Page 469 of 1380.