What are two things a black man can't get in a fist fight. A black eye, and a swollen lip.
Chuck Norris has his own protien powder. The ingriedients include: cocoa powder, stem cells, dodo egg protien, enriched uranium, LSD, and Vin Diesel.
Q: What do you get if you cross a bear with a toilet? A: Winnie the Pooh.
Chuck Norris' beard has it's own Social Security number.
Two cannibals are eating dinner and one says, "I hate my mother-in-law." The other replies, "Well, just eat your noodles, then."
Q: Why was the condom flying through the air? A: It got pissed off.
Chuck Norris once raced light. He is still waiting for it to catch up.
A plumber went to the attorneys house to unstop the sink. When he finished he said to the attorney "that will be $400.00." The attorney became irate "What do you mean $400.00, you were only here 20 minutes, that's ridiculous!!" The plumber replied, "I thought the same thing when I was an attorney".
You must keep in shape. My grandmother started walking five kilometers when she was 60 and now she's 97, and we don't have a clue where she is!
Only Chuck Norris can cross the "Beyond" section of Bed, Bath and Beyond store.