Me: "I'm so lonely." Person: "Hey!" Me: "Leave me alone."
Your mamma is so fat when she steped on the scale it said to be continued.
A waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, "Is anything OK?"
Why are rabbits like calculators? They both multiply a lot.
Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.
Q: How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? AA By his net income.
None of my friends laugh at any of my jokes because cats can only meow.
"I can't decide whether to buy a bicycle or a cow for my farm." "Well, wouldn't you look silly riding a cow?" "I d look a darn sight sillier trying to milk a bicycle!"
To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.
Chuck Norris will never die. The Grim Reaper is too scared to come and claim him.