There was an ad in the newspaper:
An agriculturist looks for a woman with a tractor.
The photo of the tractor is required.
You know the movie, Alien VS Predator?
Well it used to be called Alien VS Predator VS Chuck Norris, but no body would pay to see a fight 7 seconds long.
Vote:
"Does she have a boyfriend?"
"Yes, a cute, strong and clever one."
"What's the name?"
"John, Michael and Bill."
Vote:
A lady buys some new furniture at Ikea.
She reads the instuctions and builds the wardrobe.
As soon as it"s built she a bus passes by and the wardrobe falls into pieces.
The lady tries again and 5 minutes later another bus passes by and the wardrobe falls into pieces.
The lady is furious and calls Ikea.
Ikea tell her that they will send a worker to build it.
When the worker arrives he builds the wardrobe and says:
"Ok, I"m going to my next client."
To which the lady says:
"NO! Wait! You"ll see, as soon as a bus comes by it will dismantle itself..."
The man agrees to stay to wait for the bus.
After a while the man says that he better get in the wardrobe to see where the problem is when the bus passes by, to which the lady agrees.
10 minutes later the husband arrives and say"s:
"Ahh lovely honey you bought us a new wardrobe..."
He opens it up and say"s: "SIR! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?"
To which the worker replies:
"I"m waiting for the bus!"
This couple board this jetliner for a trip to New York.
The jetliner gets full of passengers and they are to go but, they notice that there are no attendants or pilots.
The door closes and the jetliner starts taxing down the taxiway towards the runway and starts to take off as they are airborne the intercom says:
Welcome to flight 1313 non stop to New York as you can see there are no attendants and or pilots this aircraft is totally computerized so sit back and enjoy the flight because there is nothing that can go wrong go wrong go wrong go wrong ...
Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."
Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand.
Whatever mate, I've got two night stands.
Either side of my bed.
Your momma is just like a shotgun, give her a cock and she blows.
One step forward, 12 floors down.
Vote:
Q: How come so black people died during the war?
A: Because when the captain yelled "Get down" they all got up and danced.
Vote: