The burning bush that Moses spoke of was actually Chuck Norris's beard!
An ancient Chinese prophecy states that a man will be created to protect the lands from all evil. Chuck Norris killed that man.
Chuck Norris invented the printing press by putting two pieces of blank paper together.
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Yo mama is so old that when she breastfeeds it's just powder.
Chuck Norris can drive to the moon... on foot.
Yo mama is so dark that that she can leave fingerprints on carbon.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris knows what's eating Gilbert Grape.
Anybody can outdo the impossible, but nobody can outdo Chuck Norris.