Q: How can you tell if you're in a gay church?
A: Only half the congregation is kneeling.
Vote:
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator.
The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!"
So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..."
The bartender says "Well then, lets see!"
So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth.
He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it.
A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch.
He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?"
An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean.
He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey says, "You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows,
"Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified ox stammers, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggers up to an elephant and roars,
"Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatches up the lion with his trunk, slams him against a tree half a dozen times leaving the lion feeling like it'd been run over by a safari wagon.
The elephant then stomps on the lion till it looks like a corn tortilla and ambles away.
The lion lets out a moan of pain, lifts his head weakly and hollers after the elephant -
"Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
Yo mama's so poor when I went to her house and asked to use the bathroom, she said "Two trees to your left."
Chuck Norris once had a bet with the Hulk, the loser had to paint himself green.
Vote:
Your mama so fat, that she can use herself as a bowling ball and get 10 strikes in all of the lanes!
Q: What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
A: Bronchitis.
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"
Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa have in common?
A: After a night of visiting children, they both have empty sacks.
Vote:
Q: What do you say to a man with five penises?
A: Your jeans fit like a glove.