Best jokes ever

Librarians may be shy, but their patrons aren't. Look at their oddball requests: A patron offered me $100 to steal a cactus from somebody's yard. A patron wanted me to find a book to teach her dog german. A patron on his way to the casino asked to rub my red hair for luck. A patron once asked me for my home phone number so she could call me with reference questions when I wasn't at work.
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: communication, dog, money, phone, work
There were only two people in line ahead of me at the electronics store, yet the wait was dragging on forever. Finally, the customer behind me muttered, "Mr. Hare must be on vacation." Only then did I notice the name tag on the man at the register. It read: "Mr. Turtle, sales associate."
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has 65.16 % from 22 votes. More jokes about: customer service, holiday, time
The psychiatrist asks his patient: "Do you really think that you are a horse?" The patient: "Yes." The Doctor: "Ok, it will be a long and expensive therapy." The patient: "It's ok, I have enough money." Doctor: "And how it is possible?" The patient: "Because I have won three times horse races."
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: doctor, horse, money
One recent Sunday, a young boy arrived to his Sunday school class late. His teacher knew that the boy was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going to go fishing, but that his dad told him that he needed to go to church instead. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his father had explained to him why it was more important to go to church rather than to go fishing. To which the boy replied, "Yes, ma'am, he did. My dad said that he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: church, dad, fish, school, sport
A man limps into a bar with a cane and alligator. The bartender stops him and says "Hold on a second here - you can't bring that animal in here, they aren't allowed!" So the man says, "But my gator here does a really cool trick..." The bartender says "Well then, lets see!" So the man whips out his dick and shoves it in the gators mouth. He then takes his cane and starts bashing the gator in the head with it. A crowd gathers around and everyone is astonished when he pulls out his dick without a single scratch. He looks around at the crowd and says, "Does anyone else want to try?" An old lady raises her hand and says..."Sure, but don't hit me with that stick."
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, animal, bar, sex
Yo momma so fat her legs are like spoiled milk, white and chunky.
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: fat, Yo mama
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out and again went to the mail box, opened it and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL.'"
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: blonde, computer, men, stupid
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm? A: She burys it.
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: animal, blonde, death, stupid
How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist? A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: sport, women
One day in class, the teacher says: "Joe, 'I read, you read' what tense is that?" "Simple Lost tense!"
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has 65.14 % from 40 votes. More jokes about: school, teacher
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