Every time Satain goes to sleep, He has to pray to God hoping Chuck Norris does't get him at night.
Karma believes in Chuck Norris.
Two snakes are talking. One of them turns to the other and asks, "Are we venomous?" The other replays, "Yes,why?..." "I just bit ma lip."
The local District Judge had given the defendant a lecture on the evils of drink. But in view of the fact that this was the first time the man had been drunk and incapable, the case was dismissed on payment of ten shillings costs. "Now don't let me ever see your face again," said the Justice sternly as the defendant turned to go. "I'm afraid I can't promise that, sir," said the released man. "And why not?" "Because I'm the barman at your regular pub!"
Two young men who had just graduated from university climbed into a taxi wearing their graduation gowns. "Are you graduates from the city university?" asked the cab driver. "Yes, sir," they announced proudly. "Class of "99." The cabbie extended his hand. "Class of "67."
Daughter: "That's it! I'll mary Arthur!" Mother: "But he is a lazy guy and heavy-drinker!" Father: "But you have to start with something!"
Q: If a blonde and a brunette were falling off a building, who would hit the ground first? A: The brunette because the blonde would stop for directions.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't? Depreciation.
Angry geek dad shouted to kid, "End of discussion; Semicolon;"
Why was the Blonde's bellybutton bruised? Her husband was a blonde too!