"Doctor I feel like biscuits!"
"What, you mean those square ones?"
"Yes!"
"The ones you put butter on?"
"Yes!"
"Well, that means you’re crackers!"
What is a chameleon's motto?
A change is as good as a rest.
Big inspection on a build site/yard.
The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual.
The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses.
-(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time
How did that bullfight come out?
Oh, it was a toss-up.
How did the calf's final exam turn out?
Grade A.
Two deer hunters met in the woods. The first one said to the other, "Boy am I glad to see you, I've been lost for hours." The second deer hunter said, "That's nothing, I've been lost for a week."
Vote:
Jerry is charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquits him.
Later that day Jerry comes back to speak to the judge that tried his case.
‘Your Honour,’ he says. ‘I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine.’
‘Why?’ asks the judge.
‘He won your acquittal.
Why do you want to have him arrested?’
Jerry replies, ‘I didn’t have the money to pay his fee, so the bastard went and took the car I stole.’
A man runs over a cat.
The cat’s address is on its collar so the man goes to apologise to the owner.
He knocks on the door and a little old lady answers.
The man says, ‘I’m so sorry.
I’ve just run over your cat.
Can I replace it?’
‘I don’t know,’ replies the old lady.
‘How are you at catching mice?’
Q: What is height of De-hydration?
A: A cow giving milk powder.
Q: What do you get when you cross donkey DNA with an onion?
A: A piece of ass that will bring tears to your eyes.