What did one Christmas tree say to the other?
You've got a lot of balls walking in here dressed like that.
A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, "Cheese sandwich: 0.99; Chicken sandwich: 1.50; H*ndjob: 20.00."
Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, the man walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three hot waitresses.
"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile.
"Can I help you?"
"I was wondering," whispers the man.
"Are you the one who gives the h*ndjobs?"
"Yes," she purrs.
"Indeed I am."
The man replies, "Well, go and wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich!"
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.
Man, to woman, ‘Am I the first man you ever made love to?’
Woman, ‘You might be.
Now you come to mention it, your face does look familiar.’
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
What do you call it when one bull spies on another bull?
A steak-out.
How are men like noodles?
They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.
Q: What is height of De-hydration?
A: A cow giving milk powder.
How do some men define Roe vs. Wade?
Two ways to cross a river.