Best jokes ever

The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately. "Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous! " The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One..."
Vote:
has 64.21 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: air force, airplane, couple, insulting, political
Employee: "Hi welcome to McDonald's what can I get you today." Little Johnny: "Can I get some McWater, A McNumber10, and a McCoke." Employee: "Sir you know you don't have to put Mc in front of anything you order." Little Johnny: "Ok I just really like Donald's." Employee: "Sir its McDonald's." Little Johnny: "Ma'am you don't have to put Mc in front of everything."
Vote:
has 64.21 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, food, little Johnny
One day a group of engineers got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. They picked one engineer to go and tell Him that they were done with Him. The engineer walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost." God listened patiently to the man and after the engineer was done talking, God said, "Very well! How about this? Let's have a man-making contest." The man replied, "Okay, great!" But God added, "Now we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam." The engineers said, "Sure, no problem." He bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no. Go get your own dirt!"
Vote:
has 64.21 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: dirty, god, science
Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? A: Pick it up and suck it's dick.
Vote:
has 64.21 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: disgusting
Fred collected lots of money from trick-or-treating and he went to the candy store to buy some chocolate. "You should give that money to charity," said the sales girl. Fred thought for a moment and said, "No, I'll buy the chocolate. You give the money to charity."
Vote:
has 64.21 % from 62 votes. More jokes about: food, money
There was a 3 car accident in Mexico yesterday, 84 people were found dead.
Vote:
has 64.21 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: black humor
A couple have been dating for a few weeks, but the guy has been afraid of making advances because he thinks his penis is on the small side. Finally, he gets up his courage and takes her down lovers’ lane. While they’re kissing, he opens his trouser zip and guides her hand onto his organ. ‘No thanks,’ says the girl. ‘I don’t smoke.’
Vote:
has 64.19 % from 122 votes. More jokes about: sex
Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman? A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuck her sister.
Vote:
has 64.17 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: animal, dirty, family, sex, women
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, but nothing compared to you.
Vote:
has 64.17 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: flirt, food, romantic
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Vote:
has 64.17 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: dating, drug, money, sex, tax
<<<496497498499
More jokes →
Page 496 of 1431.