It's Halloween and when the man answers his door, there's a well-dressed young boy there wearing a suit and matching tie, who says "Trick or treat". The man's a bit confused so he asks the boy what he's dressed up as. "I'm an IRS agent", says the boy, and with that, he snatches 40% of the candy, and leaves without saying thank you.
Chuck Norris' toothpaste doesn't have baking soda in it, it has gunpowder in it.
So I was at the local corner store one night and bought a pack of condoms. I went up to pay for them and the store clerk said would you like a bag? I said No, she's not that ugly. Then the 3 ladies behind me started giggling and I said wait sir, you'd better make that 3 packs.
Q: What does a good steak have in common with good sex? A: They're both very rare.
I needed to quickly run a SQL command to update a single row in an Oracle DB table at work. To my horror, it came back with –2,193,674 rows affected.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroid's.
My friend thinks that onion is the only fruit that can make us cry. So I just threw the coconut up to his head, he cried then.
Yo mama so poor she bragged about the time she almost ate at a restaraunt.
Infinity mathematicians came to bar. First one ordered 1 glass of beer, second a half, third a quarter... The barman interrupted them: "Assholes, here are 2 beers!"
Q: What do you call 2 nuns and a Prostitute on a football field? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver.