They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that pussy needs.
Passing an office building late one night, a little Johnny saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman.” He did so, and after several minutes he heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The old, uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. “Well,” he snarled at the kid, “what do you want?” “I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it for yourself…?”
My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!
A tourist in Sweden is drinking in a bar when an attractive woman sits next to him. ‘Hello,’ he says. ‘Do you speak English?’ ‘Oh I speaking not much English,’ replies the woman. ‘How much?’ asks the man. The woman replies, ‘200 Kroner.’
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.
...and then the devil said, "Let's put the alphabet into mathematics."
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb? A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
Q: Why dont blacks celebrate Thanksgiving? A: Because KFC isn't open on holidays.
Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.