What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay?
"Brace yourself, Sheila."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there’s a knock on the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice.
Except for Chris Brown.
Chuck Norris never bathes.
Dirt is too afraid to cling to him.
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How do you get four old ladies to shout "F*ck"?
Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"
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Chuck Norris wears boots to protect the Earth from his feet.
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Chuck Norris can hit a grand slam with no one on base.
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Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
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Q: What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common?
A: They've both been laid all over America.