Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East?
A: A Selfie!
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Only 3 things that are infinite
1.Human Stupidity
2.Universe
3.WinRar Trial
What do you call 3 black guys sky diving?
Air pollution.
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Q: What do you call cheese that's not yours?
A: Nacho cheese!;)
An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist.
They were amicably chatting the whole trip.
Every now and then, the rabbi's grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable.
After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, "I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What's your secret?"
The rabbi replied: "Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?"
There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days.
It's called Monday.
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Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."
getting ready to stone a prostitute that had been caught in the act. Jesus said, "Let the first stone be thrown by someone who has never sinned"
Suddenly, a rock comes flying over the crowd. Jesus turned, looks and then comments. "Mother!!"
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Avatar's were invented when Chuck Norris laid an uppercut to a smurf.
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Yo Mommas teeth are so yellow I can't believe it's not butter.