Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?"
Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it."
Doctor: "Why?"
Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice.
Except for Chris Brown.
Chuck Norris never bathes.
Dirt is too afraid to cling to him.
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How do you get four old ladies to shout "F*ck"?
Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"
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Chuck Norris wears boots to protect the Earth from his feet.
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Chuck Norris can hit a grand slam with no one on base.
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Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
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The nose drops „Big smeller" – let´s have a blow-out.
A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn.
He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilization, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?"
The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."
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Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant?
A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
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