Nothing beats a woman with a beautiful singing voice.
Except for Chris Brown.
Chuck Norris never bathes.
Dirt is too afraid to cling to him.
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How do you get four old ladies to shout "F*ck"?
Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"
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Chuck Norris wears boots to protect the Earth from his feet.
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Chuck Norris can hit a grand slam with no one on base.
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Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
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It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
"If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?"
The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That's why we ask."
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The nose drops „Big smeller" – let´s have a blow-out.
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant?
A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
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Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old-timer.
"You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs," he said.
The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods.
At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, "Maybe tomorrow we'll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand."