Why was the cannibal expelled from school?
Because he kept buttering up the teacher.
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"
Second Blonde: "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!"
Q: How do you drown a hipster?
A: In the mainstream.
There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days.
It's called Monday.
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Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."
getting ready to stone a prostitute that had been caught in the act. Jesus said, "Let the first stone be thrown by someone who has never sinned"
Suddenly, a rock comes flying over the crowd. Jesus turned, looks and then comments. "Mother!!"
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Dad: "I heard you missed school yesterday."
Little Johnny: "Not a bit."
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A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator.
On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce."
On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce."
The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."
Q: Why do Republicans avoid living on the West Coast?
A: They're scared to live that close to the edge of the Earth.
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Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common?
A: Both their moms are going to kill them!