Chuck Norris never bathes.
Dirt is too afraid to cling to him.
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How do you get four old ladies to shout "F*ck"?
Get a fifth old lady to shout "Bingo!"
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Chuck Norris can hit a grand slam with no one on base.
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Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
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A man walks into a bar with a alligator. He says to the bartender, ‘Do you serve lawyers here?’
‘Sure do,’ replies the bartender. ‘Good,’ says the man.
‘Give me a beer, and a lawyer for my ’gator.’
My uncle is with the FBI. They caught him in Cleveland.
What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay?
"Brace yourself, Sheila."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there’s a knock on the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"
Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
A blonde goes to the doctor with both of her ears and her right hand are burned.
"Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor.
"I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear."
"What about the other ear and your hand?"
"I tried to call for an ambulance."