Q: What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common?
A: They've both been laid all over America.
There's a technical term for a sunny, warm day which follows two rainy days.
It's called Monday.
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Q: Why do hipsters love ice?
A: Because ice was water before it was cool.
Your theeth are so yellow when you opend the popcorn packet it said "We are family."
getting ready to stone a prostitute that had been caught in the act. Jesus said, "Let the first stone be thrown by someone who has never sinned"
Suddenly, a rock comes flying over the crowd. Jesus turned, looks and then comments. "Mother!!"
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How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.
One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.
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It was the standard series of check-in questions that every traveler gets at the airlines counter, including, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
"If it was put there without my knowledge," I asked, "how would I know?"
The agent behind the counter smiled smugly. "That's why we ask."
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The nose drops „Big smeller" – let´s have a blow-out.
Q: What's a shy and retiring accountant?
A: An accountant who is half a million shy and that's why he's retiring.
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Two deer hunters were not having any luck so they asked for advice from an old-timer.
"You can just about guarantee a deer if you learn to hunt with dogs," he said.
The two hunters got a trained deer dog and hit the woods.
At the end of the day and still empty-handed, one hunter said to the other, "Maybe tomorrow we'll get one if we throw the dog out of a higher treestand."