Jesus said to John, "Come forth and receive eternal life."
He came fifth and received a toaster.
Just had an argument with the manager in McDonald's.
What a clown!
Vote:
A man comes home alone from work.
Suddenly he hears this voice saying: "Now its time to quit your job, sell your house, take your money and go to Las Vegas."
He doesn't pay much attention to it but after a week hearing the same voice, he thinks ok!
He quits his job, sells his house, withdraws all his money and goes to Vegas.
The moment he steps out of the plane the voice tells him "Find the nearest casino!"
He enters a casino and the voice says: " Go to the roulette-table and put all your money on 17 black!
He complies and the croupier spins the wheel and says "Rien ne va plus"
21 RED!
And then the voice goes "Damn!"
How are women and linoleum floors alike?
You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Remember when we spent money like there was no tomorrow?
Well, it’s tomorrow.
Wedding anniversaries are a time when men pause and reflect on what it was they did before they were married: anything they wanted to.
Vote:
A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door.
One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four".
Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions.
Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.
This time the husband crosses his fingers and says "Mirror, mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!".
Again, there's a bright flash...and his legs fell off.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Vote:
Q: What is a blondes' reaction to hearing "drinks are on the house".
A: Where's the stairs.
I've finally told my suitcases there will be no holiday this year.
Now I'm dealing with the emotional baggage.