Money isn’t everything, but at least it encourages relatives to stay in touch.
A man walks into a bar with a alligator. He says to the bartender, ‘Do you serve lawyers here?’
‘Sure do,’ replies the bartender. ‘Good,’ says the man.
‘Give me a beer, and a lawyer for my ’gator.’
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?"
The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax."
"TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Déja.
Déja who?
Knock knock.
Vote:
Dad: "I heard you missed school yesterday."
Little Johnny: "Not a bit."
Vote:
Knock, Knock
Who is there?
A long erected penis with an eye on my head and some wools in my feet.
What do you want?
Is there any body to suck me? I want to weep.
Vote:
Getting married is like buying a dishwasher.
You'll never have to do it by hand again.
Vote:
Q: What do pregnant teenagers and their unborn babies have in common?
A: Both their moms are going to kill them!
Q: Why accountants don't read novels?
A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
Vote:
A guy walks into a bar, orders six jägermeister shots.
The bartender asks him if it's a special occation?
The guy answers "yes indeed, my very first blowjob".
The bartender gets excited and says "Congratulations, I'll give you the seventh shot on the house".
The guy answers "Nah, if six jäger shots isn't enough to get rid of the taste, the seventh wont make much of a difference".