Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Yo mamma so fat she walked into the upside down and it immediately turn right side up-
Sperm 1: How much longer tell we get to the egg?
Sperm 2: We've still got a long way to go. We're only half way down the esophagus.
Vote:
Across all of the infinite number of parallel universes the version of Chuck Norris is the same.
Nature knows perfection when she sees it.
Vote:
My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.
You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.
Yo mama so fat when Dracula bit her he said "1 diabete, 2 diabete, 3 diabete".
"My wife drives like thunder."
"So fast?"
"No, every minute she strikes a tree."
A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar.
The bartender says "What will it be?"
The sandpaper goes "Just something to take the edge off"
Vote:
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.