Chuck Norris wears boots to protect the Earth from his feet.
Vote:
Chuck Norris can hit a grand slam with no one on base.
Vote:
Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
Vote:
How many bankers does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.
One to hold the bulb, and three to try and remember the combination.
Vote:
Q: What do you get when you put Raggedy Ann and the Pillsbury Doughboy together?
A: A redhead with a yeast infection.
Vote:
Doctor (to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?"
Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it."
Doctor: "Why?"
Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
A blonde goes to the doctor with both of her ears and her right hand are burned.
"Sit down and tell me how it happened," says the doctor.
"I was ironing my clothes when I received a call. Instead of picking up the phone, I picked up the iron and burned my ear."
"What about the other ear and your hand?"
"I tried to call for an ambulance."
Two man playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them.
One man said: "I'll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up."
When he returned he said: "I have a problem, one of the women is my wife and the other one is my mistress."
The second man said: "I'll walk up to them and hurry them up."
He came back and said: "We both have the same problem.”
What's the Australian Male's idea of foreplay?
"Brace yourself, Sheila."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later, there’s a knock on the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"