Chuck Norris has one pet. It's name is fear.
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Q: How did the elephant destroy the database?
A: His truncate it.
After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up,
I wish I'd never put it on now.
Yo Mama's just like peanut-butter...she spreads for bread !
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute."
Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky "egg"lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body.
Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely.
"What are you doing?," the female egg asked.
He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.
Please be prepared for my mood.
Vote:
Q: Why did the cowboy get a hot seat?
A: Because he rode the range.
Remember when we spent money like there was no tomorrow?
Well, it’s tomorrow.
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set.
"If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?"
The boy became very quiet.
So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?"
He promptly replied, "Another train."
Vote:
Q: How do all stoner stories start?
A: This one time when I was high...