Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman - then always be Batman
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Parents: "Why are you welcoming guests in your underwear? " Me: "Hated me to take off my underwear."
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
An old man was accounting manager in a company. Every day when he was coming to office, at his desk, he was opening the drawer, seeing something in it very carefully, then he was closing the drawer back. After twenty years of work at the same position, one day he died. After his funeral, his colleagues came to his office to check out what was in his drawer, they opened the drawer, in a piece of paper very bold it was written "Debit Left, Credit Right"
Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will.
Remember when we spent money like there was no tomorrow? Well, it’s tomorrow.
Q:Why is a doctor always calm. A: Because it has a lot of patients.
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute." Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky "egg"lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body. Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely. "What are you doing?," the female egg asked. He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
Yo Mama's just like peanut-butter...she spreads for bread !