Parents: "Why are you welcoming guests in your underwear? " Me: "Hated me to take off my underwear."
A man comes home alone from work. Suddenly he hears this voice saying: "Now its time to quit your job, sell your house, take your money and go to Las Vegas." He doesn't pay much attention to it but after a week hearing the same voice, he thinks ok! He quits his job, sells his house, withdraws all his money and goes to Vegas. The moment he steps out of the plane the voice tells him "Find the nearest casino!" He enters a casino and the voice says: " Go to the roulette-table and put all your money on 17 black! He complies and the croupier spins the wheel and says "Rien ne va plus" 21 RED! And then the voice goes "Damn!"
Q: What is a blondes' reaction to hearing "drinks are on the house". A: Where's the stairs.
Remember when we spent money like there was no tomorrow? Well, it’s tomorrow.
Q:Why is a doctor always calm. A: Because it has a lot of patients.
I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over. "You've given me one too many" I said. "That one is a freebie"
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will.
Yo mama is so short you can see her feet on her passport picture.
Always be yourself! Unless you can be Batman - then always be Batman