Best jokes ever

To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.
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Yo mama so fat, when she wore her yellow bathing suit, the sun got jealous.
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What is the ideal cockpit crew? A pilot and a dog. The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
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Chuck Norris likes his meat rare, so he eats unicorns.
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Chuck Norris lit a match and ended the Cold War.
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A very caring sentence written on the T-Shirt of a girl walking on the road. "You are not looking at the road right now, please be careful."
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Q: What is an atheist's favorite Christmas movie? A: "Coincidence on 34th Street"
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Alcohol doesn't make you FAT... it makes you LEAN... against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people!
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Chuck Norris abducts aliens.
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Yo' Mama is so fat, she uses a mattress for a maxipad.
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More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama