Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute." Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky "egg"lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body. Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely. "What are you doing?," the female egg asked. He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
Four Laws of Accounting: 1. Trial balances don't. 2. Bank reconciliations never do. 3. Working capital does not. 4. Return on investments never will.
Chuck Norris can make a snowman with sand.
Yo momma's so fat when she hauls ass she has to make 2 trips.
Just had an argument with the manager in McDonald's. What a clown!
Q: What is a blondes' reaction to hearing "drinks are on the house". A: Where's the stairs.
Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman.
When Chuck Norris plays hide and seek, even google can't find him.
My girlfriend told me that will change me. I thought she was referring to the character, but she found a new boyfriend!