Best jokes ever

My idea of balanced diet is beer in each hand.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, beer, food
A skunk and a rabbit were running through the woods and accidentally they collided with each other. They both got amnesia from the crash. "Who am I? What am I?" said the rabbit confused. "Well, you're one such... with a short tail, long ears..." "I guess!" shouted the rabbit, "I'm a rabbit!" "And what am I?" asked the skunk. "Ah! Yes. You're one such hairy, smelly, with a strip in the middle..." "Wow!", yelled the skunk, "Probably I'm an ass!"
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal
How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented? They were very impressed.
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal
Drunk guy gets pulled over. Officer starts doing sobriety tests on him. The final test the officer says "if you can pass this last test I will let u go... use the words green pink and yellow in 1 sentence." So the drunk man replies "My phone went green and I pinked it up and said yellow. Have a nice day officer!"
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has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: communication, cop, drunk
A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says, "I bet $50 that no one here has a musical instrument that this octopus can't play." The people in the bar look around and someone fetches out an old guitar. The octopus has a look, picks it up, tunes up the strings and starts playing the guitar. The octopus' owner pockets the fifty bucks. The next guy comes up with a trumpet, octopus takes the horn, loosens up the keys, licks it's lips and starts playing a jazz solo. The guy hands over another fifty bucks to the octopus' owner. The bar owner has been watching all this and disappears out back, coming back a few moments later with a set of bagpipes under his arm. He puts them on the bar and says to the guy, "Now if your octopus can play that I'll give you a hundred dollars." The octopus takes a look at the bagpipes, lifts it up, turns it over, and has another look from a different angle. Puzzled, the octopus' owner comes up and says, "What are you pissing around for? Hurry up and play the damn thing!" The octopus says, "Play it? If I can figure out how to get it's pajama's off, I'm gonna screw it!"
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has 63.65 % from 117 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, disgusting, money, music
My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
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has 63.64 % from 514 votes. More jokes about: sex
As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, “All right! All you dummies fall out.” As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh sir?”
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has 63.61 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: military
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all on a building about to jump off. They all jump at the same time. Which one landed last? The blonde because she asked for directions.
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has 63.61 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: blonde
Question: Why do men die before their wives? Answer: Because they want to.
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has 63.61 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: death, men, wife, women
Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valen-tiny!
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has 63.61 % from 48 votes. More jokes about: communication, Valentines day
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