How did cows feel when the branding iron was invented?
They were very impressed.
Chuck Norris can hear pictures.
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Yo' mama so stupid, she walked into an antique shop and asked, "What's new?"
You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you.
Yo mama so fat when Dracula bit her he said "1 diabete, 2 diabete, 3 diabete".
"My wife drives like thunder."
"So fast?"
"No, every minute she strikes a tree."
A piece of sandpaper walks into a bar.
The bartender says "What will it be?"
The sandpaper goes "Just something to take the edge off"
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A man walked into the doctor's office and said: "Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."
A voice from his stomach replies: "No you haven't."
Q: If a blonde and a brunette were falling off a building, who would hit the ground first?
A: The brunette because the blonde would stop for directions.
Drunk guy gets pulled over.
Officer starts doing sobriety tests on him.
The final test the officer says "if you can pass this last test I will let u go... use the words green pink and yellow in 1 sentence."
So the drunk man replies "My phone went green and I pinked it up and said yellow. Have a nice day officer!"
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