Best jokes ever

Q: Why are Germans bad cooks? A: The only good one killed himself.
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has 64.19 % from 162 votes. More jokes about: black humor, death, food, Hitler, work
"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?" "She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me." "I don't believe that she cheated on you!" "Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."
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has 64.18 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: math, phone, relationship, student
A haggard old lady rides in a fancy hotel's elevator. On the second floor, a beautiful woman steps on and arrogantly says to the old lady, "Georgio, $100 an ounce." On the next floor, an equally beautiful women steps on and says, "Chanel, $150 an ounce." The old lady's floor approaches and as the doors open, she bends over, farts and says, "Broccoli, 49 cents a pound."
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has 64.18 % from 97 votes. More jokes about: age, disgusting, fart, money, women
There are three types of sex in a marriage. The first one is Kitchen Sex. This is when you are newlyweds, and you're still having fun, so you do it anywhere, anytime - but mostly the kitchen. The second type is Bedroom Sex. This is when you have settled down a bit and probably have kids, so you can't do it anywhere except the bedroom. The third type of sex is Hallway Sex. This is when you pass each other in the hall and say, "Screw you." But there's also a fourth kind called Courtroom Sex. This is when you are getting a divorce and you try to screw each other in public.
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has 64.17 % from 78 votes. More jokes about: marriage, sex
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5.00 am." The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed ... it said... "It is 5.00am; wake up."
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has 64.16 % from 336 votes. More jokes about: marriage, time, wife
At museums Chuck Norris is allowed to touch the art.
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has 64.14 % from 128 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
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has 64.13 % from 100 votes. More jokes about: dirty, ugly
I feel like every nature documentary is directed by a psychopath. "Here's the cutest baby animal ever." "Now let's watch something eat it."
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has 64.10 % from 273 votes. More jokes about: animal, dead baby, death
Yo Mamma so stupid she put on bug spray before she goes to the flee market!
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has 64.10 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: animal, insulting, stupid, Yo mama
Chuck Norris doesn't beat around the bush, he beats up the bush.
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has 64.10 % from 81 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
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