Yo Momma so fat she has seat belts on the chairs to keep her fat from rolling off!
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all enter a swim meet. The gun goes off, and the brunette quickly captures first, with the redhead coming in second. An hour later, the blonde emerges from the pool and complains to the judges that while she was doing the breast stroke, the others were using their arms.
Your mama so ugly when god was making light he told her to step out the way.
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she farts, it comes out at the ankles of her tight-ass jeans.
Tornadoes have sirens to warn them when Chuck Norris is coming.
Yo mama so fat that when she works out too long she starts sweating cooking oil.
Question: What should a man do if his wife runs into the room during a baseball match and keeps disturbing you? Answer: Shorten the chain.
Andy and Annie are watching one of those television preachers on TV one night. The preacher faces the camera, and announces, “My friends, I’d like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV & the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you.” Annie has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, Andy approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin. With a frown Annie says, “Andy, he’s talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead.”
If Chuck Norris says his opinion on somthing, it automaticlly becomes a fact.