Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate?
A: Pork Chop.
Vote:
How can you tell if your house was built by lesbian carpenters?
All tongue-in-groove, with no studs.
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms.
"Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks.
"No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
How do you know Adam and Eve were not black?
Have you ever tried to take a rib from a black man?
God tried to make everyone different. He got bored by the time he got to China.
A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?"
The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!"
To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"
Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant?
A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
Two guys are in a bar.
"Hey, I've got an idea -- let's play 'Twenty Questions!'"
"'Twenty Questions?'
How do you play?"
"You ask me questions and try to guess what I'm thinking of."
"Okay.
But you have to write down what you're thinking of so I know you're not cheating."
The man agrees, and writes down 'moosecock' on a small piece of paper.
"Okay, I got a question. Does it taste good?"
"Uhh...I guess so."
"Is it moosecock?"
One evening a father overheard his son saying his prayers "God bless Mommy, Daddy and Grammy. Goodbye Grampa."
Well, the father thought it was strange, but he soon forgot about it.
The next day, the Grandfather died.
A month later the father heard his sony saying prayers again: "God bless Mommy. God bless Daddy. Goodbye Grammy."
The next day the grandmother died.
Well, the father was getting more than a little woried about the whole situation.
One week later, the father once again overheard his sons prayers.
"God Bless Mommy. Good bye Daddy."
This nearly gave the father a heart attack.
He didn’t say anything but he got up early to go to work, so that he would miss the traffic.
He stayed all through lunch and dinner.
Finally after midnight he went home.
He was still alive!
When he got home he appologised to his wife.
"I am sorry Honey. I had a very bad day at work today."
"You think you’ve had a bad day? YOU THINK YOU’VE HAD A BAD DAY!?" the wife yelled,
"The mailman dropped dead on my doorstep this morning!"
Why do mexicans walk around the school like they own the place?
Cause there dad built it and there mom cleans it at night.