Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."
Q: What's long and hard and full of semen? A: A submarine.
When Chuck Norris throws a throwing knife, the knife doesn't kill his victim, the force of the air did.
Little Mathieu was digging in his garden a hole. The next door neighbor saw him and asked; "Why are you digging the dirt Mathieu?" "My goldfish died, and I have to bury it." "Oh, I’m so sorry! But, isn’t that hole too big for a small goldfish?" "Indeed, it is! But my goldfish is inside your stupid cat!"
Q: Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach? A: Because they can divide sin and cosine to get a tan!
One day in class, the teacher says: "Joe, 'I read, you read' what tense is that?" "Simple Lost tense!"
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
Q: Did you hear the joke about an Earthquake and Japanese nuclear reactor? A: Not cool.
If God didn't want us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them out of food.
Q: What's a terrorist's favorite day in November? A: Bomb fire night.