Yo' Mama so ugly, when she wore cheese panties, even the rats wouldn't eat her.
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer:
Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities.
The Pope declined.
2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again.
This time with a 50 million dollar offer.
Again the Pope declined.
A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts.
At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format.
The good news is… that we have 100 million dollars for charities.
The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
Wife: "There's something preying on my mind."
Husband: "Don't worry, it'll soon die of starvation."
Vote:
Sign at a gay nudist colony: "Gentlemen playing leapfrog are requested to complete their leaps!"
Yo mama so old she had a wedding picture with George Washington.
A salesmen rang a house doorbell and it was answered by a kid wearing a top hat, a purple cape, smoking a cigar and drinking a glass of white wine.
The salesmen asked: "Are your parents home?"
The kid replied: "What does it look like?"
A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests.
He runs up to them and says, ”I’m Jesus Christ.”
The first priest says, ”No, son, I’m Jesus Christ.”
So the drunk says it to the second priest.
The second priest replies, ”No, son, I’m Jesus Christ.”
The drunk says, ”Look, I can prove it.” and walks back into the bar with the priests.
The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ”Jesus Christ, you’re here again?”
Chuck Norris can paste something before he copies it.
Vote:
Q: What did the clock do when it was hungry?
A: It went back four seconds.
An alcoholic walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry.
I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
"Why you worthless, stupid, no good drunk!" she screamed.
"Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."