"I have the body of an athlete."
"Better give it back. You're getting it out of shape."
I'll be honest.
I did not graduate at the top of my class.
In fact, I was so close to the bottom, my sheepskin had a tail.
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Q: What is astronauts favorite game in space?
A: Moonopoly.
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One woman to another at a singles bar: “I’m not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, 'Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?'”
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Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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How many social media marketers does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s not about the change - it’s about engaging people in conversations about the light bulb change.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
How many blondes does it take to milk a cow?
Five - one to hold the udder, and four to lift and the cow up and down.
Yo momma so poor...
When I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said, "DON'T WALK."