Everytime a someone tells me my jokes are funny, I say, "Thanks! I got more lines than Whitney Huston's coffee table.". 
In the beginning, God created Earth and then rested.
After that, He creaed man and rested.
Then God created woman.
Since then, neither God nor man got ever rested.
Yo mama is so stupid, she was looking at the apple juice for few days cause it says "concentrate".
One woman to another at a singles bar: “I’m not as optimistic about relationships as I used to be. These days, when I meet a man, I ask myself, 'Is this the guy I want my children to spend every other weekend with?'”
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Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: He wanted to run his fingers through his hair.
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Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK?
A: He can claim Gift Relief.
Yo momma so fat she could go to the desert and sells shade.
May: "Why did you slap me?!"
Michael: "I didn't slap your face! I High fived it!"
May: "I'm going to tell mom on you when we go to the sea side!"
Micheal: "Uh, Shore you will."
May: "Don't be such a beach."
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Q: What did the basketball say to the player?
A: Please don't shoot me.
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Nothing makes me more suspicious than an unsolicited compliment.
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