Best jokes ever

Grandma: "Why is that dumb piece of cotton candy talking." Me: "Grandma, thats Nikki Minaj."
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: celebrity, life
A man walked into a curio store and was looking around. After awhile, he chose a brass rat and brought it up to the counter. The proprietor said, that will be $10 for the brass rat and $1,000 for the story behind it. The man said, 'Thanks, but I'll just pay the $10 and pass on the story.' He purchased the brass rat and left the store. As he was walking down the street, he started noticing all sorts of rats following him. The further he walked -- the more rats followed. He walked down to the wharf and still more rats came out and followed him. So, he decided to walk out into the water, which he did -- and all the rats drowned. He returned to the store where he purchased the brass rat, and when he walked in, the proprietor said, 'Ah ha! You came back to pay the $1,000 for the story, right?' 'Nope,' replied the man, 'Just came back to see if you have any brass lawyers!'
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: lawyer
I've asked my girlfriend to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub. She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: communication, relationship, romantic
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she put the operator on speed dial.
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
Yo Momma's so fat when she takes a bath she fills the tub then turns on the water.
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: fat, insulting, Yo mama
Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven. There is a brouhaha. Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem. Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls. It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly. The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him. "Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: death, god, heaven, life
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: money
"Does she have a boyfriend?" "Yes, a cute, strong and clever one." "What's the name?" "John, Michael and Bill."
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: relationship, women
Whats the difference in a seagull and a babys diaper? A seagull flits across the shore and a baby shits across the floor.
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: animal, baby
Kid: "please could I go 2 the toilet" teacher: "say the alphabet" Kid: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz" teacher: "where's the p?" kid: "running half way down my leg"
Vote:
has 63.66 % from 28 votes. More jokes about: kids
<<<532533534535
More jokes →
Page 532 of 1427.