Why do men want to vote for a female President?
Because we'd only have to pay her half as much. 
Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she walked past the toilet, it flushed itself.
What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls?
Reptiles.
My grandmother used to tell us a joke.
She'd say "Knock knock."
We'd say "Who's there?".
Then she'd say "I can't remember" and start to cry.
Vote:
Yo mommas so poor the roaches pay the light bill!
"I have the body of an athlete."
"Better give it back. You're getting it out of shape."
What is the perfect Father's Day gift?
Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.
Vote:
I'll be honest.
I did not graduate at the top of my class.
In fact, I was so close to the bottom, my sheepskin had a tail.
Vote:
My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Q: Why is Santa always so jolly when he comes to the UK?
A: He can claim Gift Relief.