Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said, "DON'T WALK."
Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
A: Outlaws are wanted.
Why does a blonde put perfume on her ankles?
Because it ends up behind her ears anyway!
Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
A male driver gets stopped by police, and is asked: "Have you been drinking?"
The man replies: "Okay, yes, I have... how did you know officer? Was I swerving across the road, or speeding?"
"No sir," replied the policeman, "...nothing else can explain that fat ugly woman sitting next to you."
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
‘If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?’ Steven Wright
Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
Doctor: "Yes, what is it I can do for you?"
Blond: "Doctor, yesterday, when I was doing my yoga, one of my friends told me that if I did this particular exercise, all my body’s blood would go into my head. But, when I stand, why doesn’t anyone say that all the blood would go into the legs?"
Doctor: "The fact’s your legs are not that hollow as your head is."
Doctor to woman: "What is the matter about your husband?"
Woman: "He is worrying about MONEY."
Doctor: "I think I can relieve him of that."