Q: Why did Humpty Dumpty sit on the wall?
A: Because he wanted a photograph with Pink Floyd!
Q: And why did Humpty Dumpty have a big fall?
A: Because Pink Floyd did not turn up!
The Sun is shining, what a beautiful day!
It would be a pity not to sit this day in a pub by the window though.
How many social media marketers does it take to change a light bulb?
It’s not about the change - it’s about engaging people in conversations about the light bulb change.
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
How many blondes does it take to milk a cow?
Five - one to hold the udder, and four to lift and the cow up and down.
Yo momma so poor...
When I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.
Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
From crawling across the street when the sign said, "DON'T WALK."
Why does a blonde put perfume on her ankles?
Because it ends up behind her ears anyway!
Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
A male driver gets stopped by police, and is asked: "Have you been drinking?"
The man replies: "Okay, yes, I have... how did you know officer? Was I swerving across the road, or speeding?"
"No sir," replied the policeman, "...nothing else can explain that fat ugly woman sitting next to you."