My girlfriend has 206 bones in her body. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207. Now 206. Now 207...
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. "Do you want a bag?", the cashier asks. "No", the guy says, "She's not that ugly."
What did the two tampons say to eachother? Nothing , because they were both stuck up bitches.
Passing an office building late one night, a little Johnny saw a sign that said, “Press bell for night watchman.” He did so, and after several minutes he heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. The old, uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. “Well,” he snarled at the kid, “what do you want?” “I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it for yourself…?”
Why is life like a box of fruit? Because when they go bad, they go black!
If you give three liberals a light bulb what would happen? The first one would say its causing global warming. The second one would say its racist. The third one would say its not a light bulb unless Obama says let there be light.
The sailor came home from a secret two year mission only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge. "Was it my friend Sam", he demanded. "No !" his weeping wife replied. "Was it my friend Jim then?" he asked. "NO !!!" she said even more upset. "Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked. "Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped.
Yo' Mama is so ugly, her vibrator went soft.
Womens are like computer virus... they ENTER your life... SEARCH your pocket... SHIFT your balance ... CONTROL your life... when you become an old version DELET you from the system
The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine."