Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven. There is a brouhaha. Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem. Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls. It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly. The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him. "Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."
Kid: "please could I go 2 the toilet" teacher: "say the alphabet" Kid: "abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz" teacher: "where's the p?" kid: "running half way down my leg"
Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken. So, occasionally, when no one's looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." "But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."
Doctor: "And how is it going with your old ailment, Mr Smith?" Patient: "Very well, I've been divorced for half a year now."
Q: If a blonde and a brunette were falling off a building, who would hit the ground first? A: The brunette because the blonde would stop for directions.
A reporter heard Bush and one of his underlings talking in the hallway: "Mr President, how do we know for sure Iraq has weapons of mass destruction?" Pres says "You think we’re stupid boy?" "We made copies of all the receipts!"
Yo' Mama is so stupid, she put the operator on speed dial.
Yo mama's so fat that when she puts on a jumper it's known as global warming.
Q: How do you kill an emo? A: You don't you let depression do the work.