There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
A Pontiac takes examinations for the driver’s licence for the fourth year in a row. The examiner asks him "So, you’re running on the street. You have a mountain on your right and there’s a cliff on your left. There are two women in your way; the one young and the other an old woman. Which one are you going to hit?" "Of course the old woman!" The examinet frustrated "I told you last year! You hit the brakes!"
Chuck Norris doesn't need money he gets everything for free.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear sunscreen, the sun wears Chuck Norris-screen.
Q: Where do Snowmen go to dance? A: To snowballs.
What do you spell if you rearrange the letters in Chuck Norris's name. Nothing, because you can't mess with Chuck Norris.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler. With him inside it.
The burning bush that Moses spoke of was actually Chuck Norris's beard!
A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dumbass named you Moses?" "The same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus."