How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are nicer.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.
‘If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?’ Steven Wright
Never borrow money from optimists – they always expect to get it back.
Q: What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?
A: Outlaws are wanted.
Why does a blonde put perfume on her ankles?
Because it ends up behind her ears anyway!
Q:What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A:When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.
A male driver gets stopped by police, and is asked: "Have you been drinking?"
The man replies: "Okay, yes, I have... how did you know officer? Was I swerving across the road, or speeding?"
"No sir," replied the policeman, "...nothing else can explain that fat ugly woman sitting next to you."
Once Chuck Norris went to Mc Donalds and had a pizza.
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Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks.
"Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!"
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