Yo' Mama is so poor, she steals her breakfast from backyard bird feeders.
Q: What's invisible and smells like carrots? A: Bunny farts!
Chuck Norris digs up gold - from silver linings.
It has been said that if you name any custom class in Call of Duty "Chuck Norris" you will instantly win every match you set foot in.
Chuck Norris is another name for Terror.
A college economics professor could not help but notice that one of his students was late to class for the third time that week. Before class ended he went around the room asking students some questions about the day's lecture. Of course, he made sure to pick on his student. "And who is known as the father of modern economics?" the professor asked. "I don't know," the student said. "Perhaps if you came to class on time, Mr. Wilson, you would know," said the professor. "That's not true," the student replied. "I never pay attention anyway!"
My girlfriends dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer.
How can you know a lawyer is lying? When he moves his lips.
A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were on a plane. The red head takes a bite of an apple doesn't like it she throws it out the window. The brunette takes a bite out of an orange doesn't like it she throws it out the window. The blonde takes a bit of a bomb doesn't like it she throws it out the window. They get out of the plane. They come up to a little boy asks why he is crying! he says "An apple fell on my dog and killed my dog." They keep walking and come up to a little girl and asks why she is crying. She says" An orange fell on my cat and killed my cat." They keep walking. They come up to a blonde laughing her head off. "Why are you laughing so hard?" they said. "When I farted the building blew up!"
What do you call a barn full of dead niggers? Out dated farm equipment.