What kind of tiles can't you stick on walls?
Reptiles.
My grandmother used to tell us a joke.
She'd say "Knock knock."
We'd say "Who's there?".
Then she'd say "I can't remember" and start to cry.
Vote:
Yo mommas so poor the roaches pay the light bill!
"I have the body of an athlete."
"Better give it back. You're getting it out of shape."
What is the perfect Father's Day gift?
Taking your Mom away on a vacation with you.
Vote:
I'll be honest.
I did not graduate at the top of my class.
In fact, I was so close to the bottom, my sheepskin had a tail.
Vote:
My new year's resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Johnny was racing around the garden on his new bicycle and called out to his mother to watch his tricks.
"Look, Mum! No hands! Look, Mum! No feet! Waaah! Look, Mum! No teeth!"
Vote:
A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man."
And the drunk man says, "Oh my god my wife is going to kill me I have never been so late in my life!"
A man walks into his house with a duck under his arm.
He walks up to his wife with it and says, "This is the pig I've been f*cking'."
His wife says, "That's a duck."
He quickly replies, "I wasn't talking to you."