A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:
"What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked.
"Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer.
"What do you do?"
The minister replied, "Oh, more or less the same.
Let me give you an example.
The other day I meant to say 'the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said 'the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go."
Police Officer says "We'll never forget 9/11..."
In my mind: "I hope not It's your damn number!"
Q: What do you call a very small valentine?
A: A valen-tiny!
Vote:
Nurse: "We need a stool sample and a urine sample."
Old man to his wife: "What did she say?"
Wife to husband: "They want your underwear."
Q: Whats the difference between Niagara and Viagra?
A: Niagara Falls.
Trains stop at Chuck Norris crossings.
Vote:
Q: What' is Hillary Clinton favorite movies?
A: Kill BILL 1 and 2.
Yo mama's so fat the only alphabet she knows is her KFCs.
Note to self:
Don’t be the cashier to tell Chuck Norris his coupons have expired.
Vote:
Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "Johnny do you you think I'm cute?"
Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied.
"Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey.
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I'll be there too.
Not in the cage, But laughing at you".