It gives me a solution to this whole inner city gang problem that we seem to be having. I just got to get some people behind me, right? I think we need about 20 or 25 grandmothers, give them all belts and do one big drive-by whupping on these kids.
Barnum & Bailey was transferring the circus from one town to another. The elephants were connected trunk to tail. They came along a railroad crossing and as the elephants were halfway across the tracks, a train came along and killed two of them. Shortly thereafter, B&M Railroad received an invoice from Barnum and Bailey for $10,000. B&M immediately called Barnum & Bailey and requested an explanation for the charge, writing, "What is the cost of a new elephant?" Barnum & Bailey responded, "$1,000 each." B&M responded, "But, we only killed two of them!" Barnum & Bailey said, "Yes, but you pulled the assholes out of eight others."
Before America can declare war, congress has to ask Chuck Norris.
Q: What do you call a very small valentine? A: A valen-tiny!
Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.
Chuck Norris once lapped his opponent...in a drag race.
What’s a man’s definition of safe sex? Meeting his mistress at least 30 miles from his house.
Yo mama so dumb,when she got an "F" on her test, she thought it mean Fantastic!
A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little boy’s mind, sat him and said: “God is not a man or a woman, and God is not black or white.” To which the child responded, “Well, then is God Michael Jackson?”
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.