If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception.
When Chuck Norris goes out to survive in the Wilderness, the Wilderness ends up trying to survive from him.
Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
Why did Bossy tell the cowpoke to leave her calf alone? She thought children should be seen and not herded!
Chuck Norris' snot rocket was used to take men to the moon.
Moody was awakened by the telephone at four A.M. It was his Ku Klux Klan buddy, Crumm, calling long distance from Montgomery. "What's the matter?" asked Moody. "Are you in trouble?" "No!" said Crumm. "What do you want, then?" "Nothing!" "Then how come you are calling me in the middle of the night?" asked Moody. "Cause!" said the other redneck, "the rates are cheaper!"
When you have a man staring at a naked Playboy model, be sure that he doesn’t wonder if she knows cooking, or if she plays piano or if she has a nice personality either!
If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, a hipster will buy it on vinyl.
Jeremy and Kris walk down the street and see a dog licking himself. Jeremy says, "Man, I wish I could do that!" Kris replies, "I think you'd have to pet him first."
Chuck Norris has 5 bathtubs, they are known as the Great Lakes.