If Chuck Norris misses a roundhouse-kick, you will still die.
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Chuck Norris has the iPhone 5...he got it back in '84.
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Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C!
Q: What do you call a pothead that doesn't inhale?
A: Mr. President.
A summer visitor asked the farmer how long cows should be milked.
"Oh, I reckon about the same as short ones!" the farmer answered.
One day, a guy walks into a pub and orders a beer.
His friend walks up and sees his red eyes and asks, "Dude, are you okay? You look exhausted".
He replies,"Yeah, I heard about what happened in your house yesterday too. Tough."
His friend says, "Yeah, I wish I could trust my wife a little more - wait... How did you know about that?"
He says,"I was there" and continues chugging his beer.
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My grandmother used to tell us a joke.
She'd say "Knock knock."
We'd say "Who's there?".
Then she'd say "I can't remember" and start to cry.
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You mama so old she made yoda look young.
I was married to a Gemini she caught me cheating on her with herself.
Q: What do you get when you cross Viagra with 3 Playboy Playmates
A: Hugh Hefner.