Best jokes ever

A woman is very overweight and goes to see a weight therapist. The woman asks for some good advices. The therapist answers like this: "Well you just need to turn your head to the right and to the left when someone asks you if you want to eat at McDonalds."
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One man said he got his butt whooped by Chuck Norris twice but he lied, because everyone knows you couldn't survive it once.
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Usain Bolt only began running when he heard, Chuck Norris was in Jamaica shooting a commercial for Red Bull.
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Q: What's brown and white and flies all over? A: Thanksgiving turkey, when you carve it with a chainsaw!
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Chuck Norris fell down the stairs and broke somebody elses leg.
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Three guys are stuck on a deserted island when one of them finds a lamp on the beach. He picks it up and gives it a little rub and a genie pop out. The genie looks at the three guys and says: "I normally give three wishes, but since there are three of you, I will grant each of you one wish." Well, the first guy is sick and tired of being on the island, so he wishes to go back home. POOF! He disappears. The second one said he, too, is tired of the island and wishes to go home. POOF! He too disappears. The genie then turns to the last guy and asks him what his wish is. "Gee," he says," I'm awfully lonely here by myself. I wish my friends were still here!"
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Once you pop, you just can't stop. Unless you're Chuck Norris.
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Chuck Norris can eat soup with a fork.
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When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.
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How did Stella get her groove back? Permission from Chuck Norris.
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