Best jokes ever

2 Scientists walk into a bar, the bartender asks what they'll have. The first one says he'll have H2O. The second one said he'll have H2O too. The second one died.
Vote:
has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: alcohol
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord and nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells, "Oh! So you wanna race, huh?"
Vote:
has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: airplane, blonde
At a divorce court a family of bears is waiting for the judge to grant custody of little bear. The judge asks the baby bear, "Do you want to live with papa bear?" The baby bear replied, "No he beats me." The judge asked, so do you want to live with mommy bear! The baby bear said, "No she beats me too." The judge asked, "Then whom do you want to live with?" The baby bear says, "The Chicago bears, they don't beat anyone!"
Vote:
has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: divorce, family, sport
A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, ”I’m Jesus Christ.” The first priest says, ”No, son, I’m Jesus Christ.” So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies, ”No, son, I’m Jesus Christ.” The drunk says, ”Look, I can prove it.” and walks back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims, ”Jesus Christ, you’re here again?”
Vote:
has 62.63 % from 37 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, god, priest
The flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the Captain immediately. "Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty, hot and sexy, female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat old slob who looks like a lecher, very sullen, mean and dangerous! " The captain responds, "Patricia, I've told you this before. This is Air Force One..."
Vote:
has 62.61 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: air force, airplane, couple, insulting, political
Chuck Norris can build a house from the roof down.
Vote:
has 62.61 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Farting in a lift is wrong on so many levels!
Vote:
has 62.61 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: fart
Why Airplanes are better than Women ? Airplanes usually kill you quickly ...a woman takes her time. Airplanes can be turned on by a flick of a switch.... Airplanes don't get mad if you do a "touch and go".... Airplanes don't object to a preflight inspection.... Airplanes come with manuals to explain their operation.... Airplanes have strict weight and balance limits.... Airplanes can be flown any time of the month.... Airplanes don't come with in-laws.... Airplanes don't care about how many other airplanes you've flown before.... Airplanes and pilots both arrive at the same time.... Airplanes don't mind if you look at other airplanes.... Airplanes don't mind if you buy airplane magazines.... Airplanes expect to be tied down.... Airplanes don't comment on your piloting skills.... Airplanes don't whine unless something is really wrong.... However...when airplanes go quiet...just like women...it's usually not good. If you miscalculate and make a mistake with an airplane, you don't have a bunch of "little airplanes" flying around out of control! When your airplane is sitting there looking at you face to face whining @ 15,000 r's, you want to hear more! With an airplane, your frequency is continuous, and not just once or twice a year! The shape of an airplanes empanage stays constant over the years! Airplanes don't stop for yard and garage sales or tupperware parties! If an airplane gets in the way, you just put it out in the garage, and that is that! It is interesting watching an airplane stall! If a woman ground loops, it is usually more than just a broken prop!
Vote:
has 62.61 % from 56 votes. More jokes about: women
Yo momma’s so stupid, she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the Ws.
Vote:
has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: Yo mama
A beggar walks up to a well-dressed woman out shopping. ‘I haven’t eaten anything in four days,’ he says. She looks at him and says, ‘God, I wish I had your willpower.’
Vote:
has 62.61 % from 13 votes. More jokes about: money
<<<548549550551
More jokes →
Page 548 of 1428.