Chuck Norris once bowled a 300...
Without a ball...
He wasn't even in a bowling ally.
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A builder was once building a fence to surround a farmer's sheep.
The builder finished, and the farmer was ready to pay.
The builder then came up to the farmer and said: "Sir, I hope this isn't too a-fenc-ive.
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They say that "You can't cheat Death", but Chuck Norris can beat it fairly.
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I like my girl to be Hannah on the streets but Miley in the sheets.
"I spent the whole evening knotsurfing!"
"Don't you mean netsurfing?"
"No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!"
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How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are nicer.
Q: What do you give a sick bird?
A: Tweetment!
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand?
A man's undivided attention.
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
Old librarians never die, they just lose their references.