Chuck Norris once bowled a 300... Without a ball... He wasn't even in a bowling ally.
A builder was once building a fence to surround a farmer's sheep. The builder finished, and the farmer was ready to pay. The builder then came up to the farmer and said: "Sir, I hope this isn't too a-fenc-ive.
They say that "You can't cheat Death", but Chuck Norris can beat it fairly.
I like my girl to be Hannah on the streets but Miley in the sheets.
"I spent the whole evening knotsurfing!" "Don't you mean netsurfing?" "No, everyone was complaining because I tied the computer up for ages!"
How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts? Guilt gifts are nicer.
Q: What do you give a sick bird? A: Tweetment!
What do you have when you have two little balls in your hand? A man's undivided attention.
What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
Old librarians never die, they just lose their references.