Install the Blue Screen of Death screen-saver on someone's computer.
Vote:
Q: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll?
A: All Ken's stuff.
What is the ideal cockpit crew?
A pilot and a dog.
The pilot is there to feed the dog, and the dog is there to bite the pilot in case he tries to touch anything.
I may look calm, but in my mind I have killed you three times already.
Recently, I've been using the Bible for support.
I've got a wobbly coffee table.
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys.
Q: What did dick say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."
Vote:
Newton's 3rd Law never applies to Chuck Norris.
Vote:
"Excuse me, how do I get to the hospital quickly?"
"Just stand in the middle of the road for a while."
Vote:
Life is like a box of chocolates:
A lot of people can't stand the dark ones.