Yo' Mama is so fat, yo' daddy only sees the other side of her every 4 years.
A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her.
The man in the car says to her, "What do you have in the bag?"
The blonde replies: "I have chickens!"
The man thinks for a moment and says, "If I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I have one?"
The blonde thinks that it sounds fair and replies, "Okay, but I'll make the bet even better! If you can guess how many chickens I have in the bag I will give you BOTH of them!"
A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas.
He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals.
The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved by zookeepers.
This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo.
It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar: "Thanks; but we prefer fruit."
Three women are out clubbing and they spot a club that says, "Women Only."
Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.
The first floor has a sign on the door that reads, "All men here are short and plain."
The women laugh and continue up to the second floor.
The sign reads, "All men here are tall and plain."
Still this isn't good enough, and the women proceed to the third floor.
"All men here are short and handsome."
The women still want more and go to the fourth floor, where the sign reads, "All men here are tall and handsome."
This is perfect and the women are preparing to go in, when they realise that there is still one more floor.
They go up one floor and read the sign.
"There are no men here. This floor is built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."
A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.
He says, “What the hell is that all about?”
The farmer says, “We had a fire in the chicken coop and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm. There ain’t nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other.”
A Mormon Family, one Monday evening, sat around the fire place and was discussing Church Finances, that included paying Tithing to the Bishop.
Their little five year old boy heard this, than ran to his bedroom, grabbed his piggy bank, went to the Mormon Bishop's home and poured the contents of the piggy bank onto the Bishop's desk.
The Bishop asked, "Is this your tithing?" the little boy said, "No Bishop."
The Bishop than asked him, "Is this your Fast Offering?"
The little boy again said, "No Bishop."
The Mormon Bishop had a puzzeled look about him, and than asked, "If this is not your tithing or not your Fast Offering, than What is it?"
The little boy said, "It's for you, Bishop, Mommy and Daddy just told me that you are the poorest Bishop that we have had."
Patient: "May I have a glass of water, doctor."
Doctor: "Are you thirsty?"
Patient: "No… I just wanted to check whether my throat leaks."
If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it?
Jawbreakers.
Look over there! Said the frightened skunk to his pal.
"There's a human with a gun, and he's getting closer and closer! What are we going to do?"
To which the second skink calmly replied, "Let us spray ."
Yo Momma so poor I stepped in her house and I was in the backyard.