Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.
At school one day, the teacher was trying to approach the topic of sex education and asked her students if they'd ever seen anything that was related to sex education on TV. Mary raised her hand and said she had seen a movie about women having babies. "Great," said the teacher, "that's very important." Then Judy raised her hand and told the teacher she had seen a TV show about people getting married. "Well, that has to do with it too," said the teacher. Then Johnny raised his hand and said he had seen a western where some Indians came riding over the hill and John Wayne shot them all. The teacher said, "Well, Johnny, that really doesn't have anything to do with sex education." "Yes it does," said Johnny, " it taught those Indians not to f**k with John Wayne."
There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night. So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home. The man comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face. He just looks at her and says, ”You don’t scare me I am married to your sister!”’
Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets? A: She went looking for the three guys.
Newton's 3rd Law never applies to Chuck Norris.
Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: "I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"
I may look calm, but in my mind I have killed you three times already.
Install the Blue Screen of Death screen-saver on someone's computer.
Your mama so fat, that she can use herself as a bowling ball and get 10 strikes in all of the lanes!
What do you call a barn full of dead niggers? Out dated farm equipment.