The results of a recent Harris Poll on "what's scarier" forced the Discovery channel to cancel Shark week in lieu of Chuck Norris week.
What do you call a show full of lions? The mane event.
Did you hear about the wild party at the haunted house? The whole vibe was anything ghost.
Count Dracula once bit Chuck Norris and immediately turned vegetarian.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because he saw the salad dressing.
The doctor stood by the bedside of a very sick patient and said, “I cannot hide the fact that your are very ill, my man. Is there any one you would like to see?”. “Yes,” replied the patient faintly, “Another doctor”.
Charlie Sheen winning? Chuck Norris says "I think not."
The Beatles originally sang "All you need is Chuck Norris".
In the game 'Spore', The Grox are a result of Chuck Norris being allowed to create a species, but they had to be weakened to make the game possible.
The Bible says I'll pay for my sins. I already do, Escorts, drugs and alcohol don't come free.