Yo mama's so fat that when she jumped into the ocean a hurricane began.
You know when donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking?
That's what it's like having kids.
Chuck Norris looked Medusa straight in the eyes, and laughed.
Vote:
A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.
The son turned from the window to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother said, "Well, maybe that's something you could ask the stewardess."
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy admitted that this was the case.
"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. You can ask your mother to explain it to you."
The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.
Vote:
Little Johnny goes to his sister's room and picks up something.
His sister tells him to give it back, she wants to keep it as a souvenir.
He asks her what it is.
She says, "it's a donut."
Then Little Johnny says, "give me fifty cents."
Johnny gives her the used condom, and his sister gives him 50 cents.
He goes to the kitchen with a big smile on his face, and his mom asks him why he's smiling.
He says, "My sister gave me fifty cents for a donut, but I already licked out all the custard!
Vote:
Q: Why do men like blonde jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Yo' Mama is so fat, yo' daddy only sees the other side of her every 4 years.
A blonde is walking down the street and a car pulled up next to her.
The man in the car says to her, "What do you have in the bag?"
The blonde replies: "I have chickens!"
The man thinks for a moment and says, "If I can guess how many chickens you have in the bag, can I have one?"
The blonde thinks that it sounds fair and replies, "Okay, but I'll make the bet even better! If you can guess how many chickens I have in the bag I will give you BOTH of them!"
A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas.
He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals.
The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved by zookeepers.
This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo.
It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar: "Thanks; but we prefer fruit."