I've trained my dog to bring me red wine. It's a Bordeaux collie.
Chuck Norris's Blood Can't be matched...
When Chuck Norris wears a mood ring, it doesn't say whether he's happy or sad. It says he's Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can "make it rain in Southern California".
Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose.
Chuck Norris doesn't do his taxes.....he just sends a blank tax form with his picture on it.
Three women were in a bar talking about their husbands and how they made love. The first woman said, “My husband is a psychologist, and before we make love, he brings me flowers and candy. I like that.” The second woman proclaimed, “My husband is a mechanic, he makes love a little rough, but really tunes my engine; I like that!” The third woman replied, “Well my husband works for Microsoft and all he does is sit on the edge of the bed and tell me how good it’s going to be, when I finally get it…”
If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception.
When Chuck Norris goes out to survive in the Wilderness, the Wilderness ends up trying to survive from him.
Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.