In funeral of my friend's wife, I went to condole him so I said: "Don't think she was your wife, she was for all".
Q: How did Dairy Queen get pregnant? A: Burger King forgot to wrap his whopper.
Once Chuck Norris went to Mc Donalds and had a pizza.
While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. "If you get your train," I told him, "your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?" The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, I asked, "What else would you like Santa to bring you?" He promptly replied, "Another train."
After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife's bra off, I decided to give up, I wish I'd never put it on now.
There's a rumor that Steve Jobs, has been a Buddhist, has been reincarnated as a factory worker on a sweatshop assembly line in China.
Q: How do pirates make their money? A: By hook or by crook!
This woman walks into a bar, and she has the hairiest armpits in the history of armpits. She sits down, raises her arm, and says, "Bartender, I would like a drink." There's an old drunk sitting next to her. Slurring, he says, "Barkeep, I would like to buy the ballerina a drink." She accepts, drinks it, raises her arm again to get the bartender's attention, and orders another. The old man says, "Barkeep, you just keep giving the ballerina anything she wants." Finally, the bartender goes over to the drunk and says, "Sir, that's nice of you, but how do you know she's a ballerina?" The old man answers, "Son, you don't get to be my age without learning that only ballerinas can lift their legs that high."
hen Chuck Norris goes fishing he stands at the edge of the water and says: "Don`t make me go in there to get you".
I'll be honest. I did not graduate at the top of my class. In fact, I was so close to the bottom, my sheepskin had a tail.