Chuck Norris can finish Mario Bros without using the jump button.
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Voldemort refers to Chuck Norris as he who shall not be named.
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A woman finds out that her husband is cheating on her, so she decides to leave him a present.
When he gets home, he finds an empty house, a bowl of cookies, and a video.
He scarfs down the cookies, and pops in the video.
On TV, he sees his wife sucking his best friend's d**k.
He comes in her mouth, and she immediately spits the jizz into a bowl of cookie dough.
Then she turns to the camera.
"Oh, hello, I want a divorce."
Little Johnny, "Why are you so fat?"
Little Billy, "Cause Every time I fuck ur mom she gives me a doughnut."
Once Chuck Norris went to Mc Donalds and had a pizza.
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This woman walks into a bar, and she has the hairiest armpits in the history of armpits.
She sits down, raises her arm, and says, "Bartender, I would like a drink."
There's an old drunk sitting next to her.
Slurring, he says, "Barkeep, I would like to buy the ballerina a drink."
She accepts, drinks it, raises her arm again to get the bartender's attention, and orders another.
The old man says, "Barkeep, you just keep giving the ballerina anything she wants."
Finally, the bartender goes over to the drunk and says, "Sir, that's nice of you, but how do you know she's a ballerina?"
The old man answers, "Son, you don't get to be my age without learning that only ballerinas can lift their legs that high."
Q: How do pirates make their money?
A: By hook or by crook!
hen Chuck Norris goes fishing he stands at the edge of the water and says: "Don`t make me go in there to get you".
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I'll be honest.
I did not graduate at the top of my class.
In fact, I was so close to the bottom, my sheepskin had a tail.
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Someone call CSI.
I just killed my workout.