Best jokes ever

So it's the weekend, and I'm on my back patio when I get this idea to call up my coroner friend Bob. "Bob's not here," his wife says, "he's at work." "Sheesh!" I think. "Poor guy doing autopsies on a Sunday." So I call him on his cell. "What gives, bro,?" I ask. "Homicide," he says. "The higher-ups need a report ASAP. I'll be starting in just a few minutes." I Josh Bob a little. "I'll be thinking of you, buddy. Right now, I'm basting barbecue sauce on a rack of baby-backs and I'm getting ready to open a frosty beer." "Not much different here," he says. "I'm about ready to crack open a cold one myself."
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: black humor, food, friendship, time, work
Q: Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep? A: Because deep down, they're really good people.
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: death, democrat
A well known TV Evangelists is booking into a posh hotel. He tells the duty manager, "I hope the porn channel is set to disabled" The manager looks at him and replies, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard!"
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: dirty, holiday, management, religious
Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
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has 62.91 % from 47 votes. More jokes about: age, dirty, flirt, money, sex
A blonde, a red head, and a brunette were on a plane. The red head takes a bite of an apple doesn't like it she throws it out the window. The brunette takes a bite out of an orange doesn't like it she throws it out the window. The blonde takes a bit of a bomb doesn't like it she throws it out the window. They get out of the plane. They come up to a little boy asks why he is crying! he says "An apple fell on my dog and killed my dog." They keep walking and come up to a little girl and asks why she is crying. She says" An orange fell on my cat and killed my cat." They keep walking. They come up to a blonde laughing her head off. "Why are you laughing so hard?" they said. "When I farted the building blew up!"
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has 62.91 % from 162 votes. More jokes about: airplane, blonde, food, ginger
Yo momma so black Batman came and said damn b*tch I thought I was the dark night.
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has 62.90 % from 159 votes. More jokes about: black people, celebrity, insulting, Yo mama
A young Alabama man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmact: "I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need me some petection. How much is a pack a’ them rubbers gonna cost me?" The pharmacist responds: "A three-pack of condoms is $4.99 with tax." "TACKS!" the shocked redneck says. "Gawd a’ mighty, don’t they stay on by themselves!"
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has 62.88 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: dating, drug, money, sex, tax
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, but nothing compared to you.
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has 62.88 % from 72 votes. More jokes about: flirt, food, romantic
A old woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it would cost $3.95 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service. “There is no hurry,” she told the clerk, “just so the package is delivered in my lifetime.” He glanced at her and said, “That will be $3.95, please.”
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: money, old people
Gilding the lily is a job seeker's birthright. Here are a few doozies, where the applicant claimed: - to be a former CEO of the company to which he was applying. - to be fluent in two languages—one of which was pig Latin. - to be a Nobel Prize winner. - to have worked in a jail when he was really in there serving time. - he was fired "on accident."
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has 62.88 % from 34 votes. More jokes about: communication, management, prison, stupid, work
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