Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide?
He got himself into a real stew.
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Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
A: Lazy.
Q: What's brown and very bad for your dental health?
A: A baseball bat.
Caitlin Jenner and her chauffer were parked on a highway.
When a policeman pulled up and asked "What's going on?"
The driver said "I blew my tranny."
The cop didn't know if he should arrest them for indecent exposure or call AAA.
I've asked my girlfriend to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
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Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
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Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying."
The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn’t drive.
Q: Did you hear about the leper poker game?
A: One guy threw in his hand and the other three laughed their heads off.
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Q:Why is a doctor always calm.
A: Because it has a lot of patients.