What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The dashboard.
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Once a blonde went to the library to get a book.
A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab?
A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians?
One hundred people who don't do dick.
A woman got married, but her husband was abusive.
She got remarried and that husband ran out on her.
She got married again and that husband failed in bed.
Finally, she put an ad in the paper: "Looking for a man who won't abuse me, won't leave me, and won't fail me in bed."
The next day, the doorbell rings.
There is a man with no arms and no legs.
"Hello, I saw your ad in the paper," he says.
"Tell me a little about you."
"Well, I have no arms, so I can't hit you.
I have no legs, so I can't run out on you," he replies.
"How do I know you're good in bed?" she asks.
He says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Knock Knock.
Who's there!
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you don't let me in!
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Did you hear about the cannibal who commited suicide?
He got himself into a real stew.
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Q: What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?
A: Lazy.
Q: Know why skeletons are so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
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