Two new deer hunters decided to separate to increases their chances.
"What if we get lost?" says one of them.
"Fire three shots up in the air, every hour on the hour," says the other.
"I saw it on TV."
Sure enough, one of the hunters gets lost, so he fires three shots up into the air every hour on the hour.
The next day the other hunter finds his friend with the help of the Forest Ranger.
"Did you do what I said?" asked the hunter.
"Yes, I fired three shots up into the air every hour on the hour, until I ran out of arrows."
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Q: Who was the first accountant?
A: Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.
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I would actually use Siri if the voice sounded like Morgan Freeman.
Two politician are having lunch together, all of a sudden one stood up and shouted, "Your lying."
The other replied, "I know but just hear me out."
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn’t drive.
Q: What's brown and very bad for your dental health?
A: A baseball bat.
Caitlin Jenner and her chauffer were parked on a highway.
When a policeman pulled up and asked "What's going on?"
The driver said "I blew my tranny."
The cop didn't know if he should arrest them for indecent exposure or call AAA.
I've asked my girlfriend to polish my medieval battle uniform while I go to the pub.
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.
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I read that India launched a rocket to Mars the other day.
That seems like a strange place to put a call center.
When is the only time you smile and wink at a nigger?
When you are looking through the scope on your rifle.
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