Columbus may have discovered America, but after a conversation with Chuck Norris it was decided, Chuck Norris discovered America.
Jurrasic Park is a second name for Chuck Norris' backyard.
Q: If Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton participated in a spelling contest, who would win? A: Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that "harass" is one word.
For Chuck Norris, there is no such thing as gambling. He already knows the outcome.
Chuck Norris can hit a grand slam with no one on base.
Wearing a turtleneck shirt is like being strangled by a really weak person all day.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? I have no I-Deer.
You can't win a starring contest with Chuck Norris becuase when you look in to his eyes you see hell starring right back at you.
Chuck Norris doesn't submit his own facts because Chuck Norris doesn't submit, period.
To be roundhouse-kicked by Chuck Norris means getting his autograph.