A couple of years ago the english national team was about to start training in preparation for an important qualifying match when the manager at the time, Sven-Goran Eriksson, discovered a big turd in one of the penalty areas on the practice pitch.
Ok boys, he said, who's shit on the ground?
Emile Heskey replied:
"Me coach, but I'm good in the air!"
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
One day, a teacher walks into her classroom to start the lesson.
She walks up to the board and sees in little writing the word "penis".
She thinks nothing of it and wipes it off.
The next day, she comes in and sees the word "penis", only this time it"s a little bit bigger.
She wipes it off again.
Sure enough, the next day she comes in and sees "penis" on the board a little bigger.
This proceeds until the end of the year when finally, it"s across the whole board.
The teacher wonders what"s gonna happen the next day since it"s taking up all the space on the board.
When she came in the next day but doesent find "penis".
This time she finds written, "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets".
Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because pets can't bring beer from the fridge.
Q: Why did God create brunettes?
A: Because the blondes couldn't either.
Q: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A: A bad golfer goes *Whack!* "Darn!", but a bad skydiver goes "Darn!" *WHACK!*
Q: What's the scariest thing about a white man in prison?
A: You know that he actually did it.
Vote:
Three guys are stranded on a island; black guy, white guy, and a Mexican.
They come across a Indian tribe, the chief said" go into the forest and pick a fruit and bring it back.
We are going to shove it up your ass, if you scream we will cut off your head".
The white guy goes in and brings back a banana they shove it up his ass he screamed soo they cut off his head.
The Mexican goes in and comes back with a grape they shove it up his ass he screams.
They all look at his and ask" why you scream?" The Mexican says" because the black guy is coming back with a watermelon.
Vote:
Joke has 61.81 % from 334 votes. More jokes about: black people, desert island, food, mexican, racist
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Kanga.
Kanga who?
Actually, it's kangaroo!
Vote:
Q: Why do German shower heads have 11 holes?
A: Jews have 10 fingers.
Vote:
"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?"
"She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me."
"I don't believe that she cheated on you!"
"Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."
Vote: