“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.
Then it dawned on me . . . they’re cramming for their final exam.”
Vote:
Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, “I’m a YUPPIE.
You know, Young Urban Professional.”
The second guy responded, “I’m a DINK.
You know, Double Income No Kids.”
They then asked the woman, “What are you?”
She replied: “I’m a WIFE.
You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc.”
Roses are red
lemons are sour.
Open your legs
and give me an hour.
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
-Too many Cheetahs!
Chuck Norris' pulse-rate is measured on the Richter Scale.
Vote:
If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.
Q: What do you call nuts on a wall?
A: Wallnuts
Q: What do you call nuts on your chest?
A: Chest nuts
Q: What do you call nuts on your chin?
A: A penis in your mouth
Dear Maths,
Please grow up now and solve you problems yourself.
Q: Why do nursing homes give Viagra to the old men every night?
A: It keeps them from rolling out of bed!
Vote:
At 3 AM a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
"It opens at noon" answers the clerk.
About an hour later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
"What time does the bar open?" he asks.
"Same time as before... Noon." replies the clerk.
Another hour passes and he calls again, plastered "Whatjoo shay the bar opins at?"
The clerk then answers, "It opens at noon, but if you can't wait, I can have room service send something up to you."
"No... I don't wanna git in... Ah wanna git OUT!!!"