Originally Chuck Norris was in the cast of "The Expendables" but the movie was only 3 seconds long because there was nothing left to kill.
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Yo mama so fat that she could use a bra as a parachute
Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.
One day the secretary announced she was pregnant.
They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.
The day of delivery arrived.
Both the lawyers were at the hospital pacing the floor in the waiting room.
Finally one of them said, “I can’t take this, I’m going down to sit in my car and wait there. Please come down and tell me as soon as the child is born!”
The partner agreed to do that.
About an hour later the partner approached the car with a very grave look on his face.
“What happened?” asked the waiting car occupant.
The other partner announced, “They were twins and mine died!”
Chuck Norris can literally kill time.
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How does a blond spell farm?
E-I-E-I-O
Chuck Norris doesn't have a shadow. His shadow isn't stupid enough to follow him around.
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"Killed it" is a figure of speech implying someone stopped the banter.
To Chuck Norris that's just the motto of his life.
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Republicans only seem to care about people's health when they haven't been born yet!
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Chuck Norris knows who A is.
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Love is one way to get to a persons heart the other is Chuck Norris' fists.
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