A guy has a talking dog.
He brings it to a talent scout.
"This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent.
"Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds.
"All dogs go ‘roof’."
"No, wait," the guy says.
He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?"
"Rough!" the dog answers.
The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare.
He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says.
"This one will amaze you.
" He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog.
And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.
And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
Q: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A: You push them both aside when you eat.
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Chuck Norris can headbutt himself in the face.
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The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Yo mamma is like a piece of wood, flat and easy to nail.
Chuck Norris doesn't submit his own facts because Chuck Norris doesn't submit, period.
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Chuck Norris made the llama extinct.
Never spit in his face.
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That tornado damage your cow barn any?
Dunno.
Haven't found the durn thing yet.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the turbines of Hoover Dam.
Since then, the Colorado River is a tourist attraction.
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