Best jokes ever

A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his penis. The bartender says to him, "You know you've got a ship's wheel on your penis?" And the pirate says, "Argh, I know. It drives me nuts."
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has 61.36 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: bar, dirty, pirate
A man walks into a bar one day and asks the bartender if he knows a man named Two Guns Gonzales. The bartender says no but he tells him that the man in the back named No Guns knows him. So the guy walks to the back of the bar and asks the man if he knows a guy named Two Guns Gonzales. The man says, "Let me tell you a story... One day about a week ago, I was riding into town on my horse and this large man with two guns comes riding up to me and says, "Get off your horse." Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I get off my horse. Then he says, "Now drop your pants." Well, Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I take off my pants. Then he says, "Now s**t." Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I s**t. Then he says, "Now eat it." Well Two Guns has two guns and No Guns has no guns, what could I do? I eat it. Now, Two Guns is laughing so hard, he drops his guns! I grab them! Now I say, "Drop your pants." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He drops his pants. Then I say, "Now s**t." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He s**ts. Then I say, "Now eat it." Well Two Guns has no guns and No Guns has two guns, what could he do? He eats it. So when you ask me if I know a man named Two Guns Gonzales, the answer is yes: I had lunch with him last week."
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has 61.36 % from 60 votes. More jokes about: animal, bar, bartender, disgusting
Yo' Mama is so nasty, she gave me an ear infection over the phone.
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has 61.35 % from 54 votes. More jokes about: insulting, phone, Yo mama
Employee: "Hi welcome to McDonald's what can I get you today." Little Johnny: "Can I get some McWater, A McNumber10, and a McCoke." Employee: "Sir you know you don't have to put Mc in front of anything you order." Little Johnny: "Ok I just really like Donald's." Employee: "Sir its McDonald's." Little Johnny: "Ma'am you don't have to put Mc in front of everything."
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has 61.35 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: business, communication, customer service, food, little Johnny
Q: What is the difference between a dogs ass and liberals? A: Nancy Pelosi won't kiss a dogs ass!
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has 61.35 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: democrat, dog, political, vulgar
Thunder is caused by Chuck Norris rubbing the stubble on his chin.
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has 61.35 % from 57 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, weather
A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
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has 61.33 % from 283 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, health, hospital, wife
What happened when the blonde tried to give her boyfriend a blow-job while he was driving? They both fell off the motorcycle.
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has 61.32 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: sex
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
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has 61.32 % from 98 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
A man came up with a new invention, a vibrating tampon. That way a woman can be at her best when she is at her worst.
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has 61.31 % from 222 votes. More jokes about: sex, women
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