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Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose.
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If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception.
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When Chuck Norris goes out to survive in the Wilderness, the Wilderness ends up trying to survive from him.
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Q: Why do liberals travel in threes? A: One to read, one to write and the other one to keep an eye on both intellectuals.
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Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. Chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
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Chuck Norris' snot rocket was used to take men to the moon.
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Chuck Norris once won a game of Space Invaders without shooting.
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Chuck Norris made Journey stop beleiving.
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Always remember: There is not problem that 6 glasses of wine can't solve.
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"Doctor I feel like biscuits!" "What, you mean those square ones?" "Yes!" "The ones you put butter on?" "Yes!" "Well, that means you’re crackers!"
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