A guy has a talking dog.
He brings it to a talent scout.
"This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent.
"Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds.
"All dogs go ‘roof’."
"No, wait," the guy says.
He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?"
"Rough!" the dog answers.
The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare.
He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says.
"This one will amaze you.
" He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog.
And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street.
And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
A study of economics usually reveals that the best time to buy anything is last year.
Q: What do parsley and pubic hair have in common?
A: You push them both aside when you eat.
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Chuck Norris can headbutt himself in the face.
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The longer I stay at home, the more homeless I look.
Chuck Norris has hair of steel wool.
That's why his mullet never moves.
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Q: What do builders use to make websites?
A: Com.crete.
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If you want to lose weight, it is not so difficult as it seems.
You only have to leave out the third breakfast, the fourth lunch and the fifth dinner.
Yo mama cooking so bad, the flies chipped for a screen door!
Yo mama so fat when she went to the movies she filled up the whole room.