Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"
Chuck Norris has hair of steel wool. That's why his mullet never moves.
Yo mama so ugly it caused Godzilla to go back to the ocean.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely? Because he was newt to the area.
Chuck Norris looks at IEDs and the trigger man blows up.
Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..
"Walker Texas Ranger: The Movie 3-D" was considered by Warner Brothers; however the technology to create the visual effects will never be possible.
A man enters a little country store and sees a sign reading, ‘Danger! Beware of Dog’. He then sees an old hound dog lying asleep on the floor. ‘Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?’ says the man to the shopkeeper. ‘Yep,’ replies the shopkeeper. ‘Before I posted that sign, everyone kept tripping over him.’
If Chuck Norris fights with himself, it's a win-win situation.
He opens the door then turns the handle.