Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..
He opens the door then turns the handle.
Dentist (to the patient: "For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet." Patient: "Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
Chuck Norris can see ultra-violet light.
Yo' Mama is so fat, when she went to KFC, she ordered the bucket of chicken on the roof.
What do headmasters and bullfrogs have in common? Both have big heads that consist mostly of mouth.
As horses say to one another. Any friend of yours is a palomino!
My life may be a mess but I know the difference between "Your" & "You're"-
There's no wine holder on this vacuum cleaner. It's like it wasn't even designed for women. How can I be expected to work under these conditions?
Customer: "Waiter, there’s a fly swimming in my soup." Waiter: "So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?"