Best jokes ever

Yo mama so fat she was the comet that destroyed dusty depot.
Vote:
has 60.69 % from 38 votes. More jokes about: fat, science, Yo mama
For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, "W'atcha do with the money, son?" "Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy. "Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father. "Yew should 'av bought yourself a rifle!" "A rifle? What fer?" "Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife," explained the older redneck. "W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"
Vote:
has 60.67 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: money, redneck, time, wedding
A: Who sings "Blue Christmas" and makes toy guitars? A: Elfis!
Vote:
has 60.67 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: Christmas, elf, music
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
Vote:
has 60.67 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, life
Chuck Norris was a comedian, but everyone started to die of laughter.
Vote:
has 60.67 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris, death
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
Vote:
has 60.67 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, holiday, money, winter, work
Today in lesson Little Jonny went to the back of the room and Miss McRacen went "Not in the back." Jonny: "That's what she said." Miss: "Get out!" Jonny "She said that too."
Vote:
has 60.67 % from 116 votes. More jokes about: communication, dirty, little Johnny, school, sex
Son: "What's love juice daddy?" Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?" Son: "Wimbledon."
Vote:
has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: dad, love, sex, sport
You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
Vote:
has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: money, weed
At the pet shop, a man spots a parrot without any feet. The man leans in, "Hey buddy, how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "I wrap my little parrot penis around this wooden bar, kind of like a hook." "Wow," says the guy. "I can't believe you're so smart! I'm taking you home." Weeks go by, and the parrot not only understands everything the man says, but he gives good advice. The guy is delighted. One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says, "Hey, I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the mailman." "What happened?" asks the guy. "Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today, your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the mouth." "What happened then?" asks the guy. "Then, the mailman came into the house and lifted up your wife's nightgown," reports the parrot. "Oh no!" the guy says. "Then what?" "I don't know," says the parrot. "I got a hard-on and fell off my perch."
Vote:
has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: animal, parrot, wife
<<<603604605606
More jokes →
Page 603 of 1428.