Yo momma so poor I farted in her house and she bowed her head, stomped her feet and praised the lord saying " we got heat".
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall? Dam.
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts to feel a little airsick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the toilet. He knows he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do. Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes through the little guy. He can't hold it in any longer and he pukes all over the big guy's chest. About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him. "So," says the little guy, "are you feeling better now?"
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, the mice jump on chairs.
Q: What was the world's first palindrome? A: Madam, I'm Adam.
Q: What did the blonde say when she tried driving stick for the first time? A: "How do you shift this thing?" (you make jacking off motions).
Why was the cannibal looking peeky? Because he had just eaten a Chinese dog!
Yo Mama's just like peanut-butter...she spreads for bread !
This man was talking to a group of men at a bar and he said, "In my house I am the boss, I say when the laundry is done and when the cooking is made and when the dishes are washed." One of the guys at the table said, "How long have you been married?" The man says, "Oh I'm not married I'm single!"
Q: What is the difference between a teenager on her rag and a terrorist? A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.