Chuck Norris does not need to freeze water to make ice, he just stares at water and scares it stiff.
Chuck Norris eats gummy bears and shits out grizzly bears.
Yo momma is so stupid she stared at an orange juice container for 2 hours because it said concentrate.
How are women and linoleum floors alike? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for the next 20 years.
Q: What is a computer's first sign of old age? A: Loss of memory.
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A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber. The man called over to his wife, "My little boopey-boo, I'm lonely." So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband with a concerned look on his face says, "Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey-wosey?" The woman gets up and enters the man's bed. The two make passionate love and afterwards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, "Clumsy idiot."
Q: Where do birds meet for coffee? A: In a nest-cafe!
Yo mama is so ugly that she could be the poster child for birth control.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
Lawsuit commercials for personal injury are quite common with things like accidents and medication; however they never mention Chuck Norris.