Yo mama is so fat, the recursive function computing her mass causes a stack overflow.
Psychiatrist: "What’s your problem?" Patient: "I think I’m a chicken." Psychiatrist: "How long has this been going on?" Patient: "Ever since I was an egg!"
Adamantium may be hard but Chuck Norris is harder.
A hungry lion was roaming through the jungle looking for something to eat. He came across two men. One was sitting under a tree reading a book; the other was typing away on his typewriter. The lion quickly pounced on the man reading the book and devoured him. Even the king of the jungle knows that readers digest, and writers cramp.
Chuck Norris looks at IEDs and the trigger man blows up.
Chuck Norris CAN have it both ways.
When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.
How do you go about hiring a horse? Try two pairs of stilts!
Q: What do you get if you cross a fridge and a hipster playlist? A: Cool music!
Chuck Norris does not need to freeze water to make ice, he just stares at water and scares it stiff.