Best jokes ever

A guy rings his boss and says "I can't come to work today" The boss asks why and the guy says "it's my eyes." "What's wrong with your eyes?" asks the boss. "I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead..."
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: animal
Q: How did the blonde kill her toy poodle? A: Trying to put batteries in it.
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has 61.25 % from 26 votes. More jokes about: blonde, stupid, technology
A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital: Tell me what is your last wish? Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
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has 61.23 % from 285 votes. More jokes about: Facebook, health, hospital, wife
Little Lucy met Little Johnny after school and ask him, "Johnny do you you think I'm cute?" Little Johnny looked at her from head to toe irritably and replied. "Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey. And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you".
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has 61.20 % from 112 votes. More jokes about: beauty, kids, little Johnny, mean, poems
Dear Husband, I have been feeling really dirty lately. Please do me. Love, Dishes
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has 61.19 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: dirty, husband, work
I hate Chuck Norris. Oh SHI...
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has 61.19 % from 89 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
Two old women were talking about their sex lives. Ethel was upset because her sex life had really died, while Mildred said her sex life was great. Mildred counseled Ethel, "When my Sammy is getting ready for bed, I get undressed, lie on the bed, and put both legs behind my head. When he sees me like that, he gets so excited, we have wild sex the rest of the night." Ethel said, "I'm going to try that tonight." While Ethel's husband Harold was in the bathroom that night, she took off all her clothes. She struggled to get both legs behind her head. After accomplishing this great feat, Ethel fell backwards and couldn't move. Harold came out of the bathroom with a shocked look on his face. "For God's sake Ethel, comb your hair and put your teeth in. You look like an a**hole."
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has 61.15 % from 86 votes. More jokes about: death, marriage, sex, women
Yo mama so short when she smokes weed, she cant even get high.
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has 61.10 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: insulting, vulgar, weed, Yo mama
Being a very religious kind of person, when I checked into my hotel, I said to the woman at the desk; "I hope the p*rn channel in my room is disabled." "No," she said, "It's regular p*rn, you sick b*stard!"
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has 61.10 % from 83 votes. More jokes about: dirty
Yo mama's so fat that, after sex I rolled over twice and was still on the bitch!
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has 61.10 % from 140 votes. More jokes about: insulting, sex, Yo mama
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