What's long, hard, and shoots sticky white stuff?
A penis. What were you thinking you clean minded bastard.
Chuck Norris once broke the sound barrier.
In half.
Vote:
On the beach, how can you recognise a guy who uses an inflatable sex doll?
He doesn’t stare at the bikinis, he stares at the beach balls.
Are your legs made of Nutella?
Because I'd love to spread them!
Worst way to ask for anal:
"Aww come on...I bet my dick is tiny compared to some of the shits you've taken!"
What rule could stop HIV in Africa?
Sex after dinner only.
Vote:
Q: What does a gay order in a Chinese restaurant?
A: Sum Yung Gi.
Bill Gates, Andy Grove, and Jerry Sanders (CEOs of MicroSoft, Intel, and AMD) were in a high-powered business meeting.
During the serious, tense discussion, a beeping noise suddenly is emitted from where Bill is sitting.
Bill says, “Oh, that’s my beeper. Gentlemen, excuse me, I need to take this call.”
So Bill lifts his wristwatch to his ear and begins talking into the end of his tie.
After completing this call, he notices the others are staring at him.
Bill explains, “Oh, this is my new emergency communication system. I have an earpiece built into my watch and a microphone sewn into the end of my tie. That way I can take a call anywhere.”
The others nod and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Andy starts beeping.
He states, “Excuse me gentlemen, this must be an important call.”
So Andy taps his earlobe and begins talking into thin air.
When he completes his call, he notices the others staring at him and explains, “I also have an emergency communication system. But my earpiece is actually implanted in my earlobe, and the microphone is actually embedded in this fake tooth.”
The others nod, and the meeting continues.
Five minutes later, the discussion is again interrupted when Jerry emits a thunderous fart.
He looks up at the others staring at him and says, “Somebody get me a piece of paper… I’m receiving a FAX."
My girlfriend always calls me a pedophile, and all I can think is "Wow that is a big word for a nine year old."
A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first time and is awfully nervous.
When the doctor comes into the examining room, he notices immediately that she's very tense.
"Listen, dear. I know this must be scary for you. Do you want me to give you some thing to numb you down there?"
The girl doesn't say anything, but just nods her head yes.
So the doctor removes her underwear, puts his mouth in her crotch.
"Numb, numb, numb, numb, numb..."