Best jokes ever

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are in divorce court. "Mickey," the judge says, "I'm sorry. I can't grant you a divorce on the grounds of insanity. Minnie seems quite sane to me." "I didn't say she was insane," exclaims Mickey. "I said she was f**king Goofy."
Vote:
has 60.67 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: animal, celebrity, divorce, marriage
Q: What is the most important rule in chemistry? A: Never lick the spoon!
Vote:
has 60.67 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: chemistry, life
For a weddin' present Ledbetter gave his son Amos two hundred dollars. Two weeks later he asked him, "W'atcha do with the money, son?" "Ah bought me a wristwatch, Pappy!" answered the boy. "Yew dumb ignoramous!" yelled his father. "Yew should 'av bought yourself a rifle!" "A rifle? What fer?" "Suppos'n one day yew cum home and find some guy sleepin' wid yore wife," explained the older redneck. "W'atcha gonna do? Wake him up and ask him what time it is?"
Vote:
has 60.67 % from 50 votes. More jokes about: money, redneck, time, wedding
The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss to allow alcohol. 1. It's an incentive to show up. 2. It reduces stress. 3. It leads to more honest communications. 4. It reduces complaints about low pay. 5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover. 6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear. 7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter. 8. It encourages carpooling. 9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care. 10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work. 11. It makes fellow employees look better. 12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better. 13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted. 14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
Vote:
has 60.67 % from 82 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, holiday, money, winter, work
Chuck Norris was the reason the Titanic sank. The iceberg was just a cover-up.
Vote:
has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: Chuck Norris
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then it dawned on me . . . they’re cramming for their final exam.”
Vote:
has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: bible, old people
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I think I've lost an electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first says, "Yes, I'm positive..."
Vote:
has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: alcohol, bar, chemistry, science
Son: "What's love juice daddy?" Me: "It's what 2 people make when they're having exciting sex. Anyway? What are you watching?" Son: "Wimbledon."
Vote:
has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: dad, love, sex, sport
You can't buy happiness but you can buy weed… and that's pretty close.
Vote:
has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: money, weed
A guy picks up a pr*stitute and proceeds to spend a couple of hours with her at a seedy motel. A few days later, he finds that he has caught crabs. He chases down the prostitute and says, "hey bitch, you gave me crabs". She replies, "what'd you expect for ten bucks? Lobster?"
Vote:
has 60.66 % from 41 votes. More jokes about: dirty
<<<604605606607
More jokes →
Page 604 of 1428.