What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
What do you call a frog with no legs? It doesn't matter- he won't come anyway.
The wild and mean bear grabs the hedgehog and asks him: "Were you at the fox’s party as well?" "Yes, I was. So what?" "Were you sitting on the table?" "Yeah, why?" The bear, ready to leg press him, changes his mind and says to the hedgehog: "Next time, wherever you go, take an umbrella with you!" "But why, my friend?" the hedgehog wonders. "Cause all night long, I was taking thorns off my ass!"
Q:Where do you find giant snails? A:On the ends of their fingers.
Q: Why did the fat turkey cross the road? A: To get hit by my car.
Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off of bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off of Siberian Tigers.
Q: Why are dogs such bad dancers? A: They have two left feet.
Pet Owner: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner." Vet: "That's perfectly normal; he's a boxer."
Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I'm eating here."
What do you call a chocolate Easter bunny that was out in the sun too long? A runny bunny.