Why did the blonde stand in front of the mirror with her eyes closed?
She wanted to see what she looked like asleep.
A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.
"You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it."
"Oh yes dear, what happened?"
"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."
"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks! What did you do with them?"
"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off."
A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: "Do you know where your going?"
Blonde: "No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people are leaving.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
(A gummy bear!)
Do you know why men have holes in the end of their penises?
So oxygen can get into their brains.
Yo' Mama is so poor, she goes to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick other people's fingers.
Yo' Mama is so skanky, when the waiter brought out her strip steak, she asked where to tuck the dollar bills.
Yo' Mama is like a postage stamp: you lick, you stick, you send her away.
What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other?
Isaiah.
What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel?
A bit of a shock really.