Chuck Norris was sitting around a campfire with two cowboys. The cowboys were competing to see which one is more hardcore. The first one says," Once, I was charged by an angry bull. I proceeded to jump on its back and kill it by gorging its eyes out." The second says, " Once I was swimming in a river, and an annocanda tried to strangle me. I ripped its head off with my teeth." Chuck norris just smiles and continues tending to the campfire with his penis.
Yo' Mama is so fat, instead lint in her belly button, she's gathered full sweaters.
Yo mamma so hairy she has afros on her nipples.
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
Chuck Norris only created Russians so he can use them to take over TGI Fridays.
A blonde, a brunet and a red head were in a competition to see who could swim 60 miles accross a river. The brunet swims 30 miles, gets a cramp and drowns. The red head swims accross 30 miles, gets bit by a shark and drowns. The blonde swims 30 miles accross, says: "I'm tired." and swims 30 miles back.
Caitlin Jenner and her chauffer were parked on a highway. When a policeman pulled up and asked "What's going on?" The driver said "I blew my tranny." The cop didn't know if he should arrest them for indecent exposure or call AAA.
That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you put another dish in the sink.
On Halloween, children give Chuck Norris candy.
Life is a car wash … and I’m on a bicycle.