Chuck Norris is the only one that can turn lemonade into lemons.
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Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
The only reason Godzilla goes back into the ocean is because Chuck Norris is expecting him... for dinner.
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Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: Bigfoot, because they don't exist.
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Q: If there are two potheads in the back of a car, then who is driving?
A: The cop!
Yo' Mama is so fat, every time you smack her butt, you can ride the waves.
A true gentleman holds the door for his woman... then smacks her ass as she walks by.
I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation.
Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"
The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."
The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
Q: What is a computer's first sign of old age?
A: Loss of memory.
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